One of the most common belly button gazing exercises we, as men, do is to find our purpose. What is our purpose? Some folks ask the question, what is your calling? Simon Sinik Describes it as your why or what gets you out of bed each morning ready to tackle the day. These are all great ways to look at your purpose. Yet I look at one’s purpose from a different angle while it still fits into the search for who you are and why you are on this earth. You see your purpose is what feeds your soul. This is what makes you come alive and that inner being shines. This is why The Man’s Soul Pillar is such an important pillar to build.
Men have struggled with finding their purpose to the point that some men give up and rave against the power of man. They become Nihilists. While other men work and find the success that they knew was waiting for them. There are many men who found their purpose and rejected it while others embraced it and it became their superpower. From Mark Twain to Abraham Lincoln Many men found their calling after their 30s. So It is nice to get started sooner than later Just know that many of the most interesting 40-year-olds you know don’t know what they want to do with their life.
Why does purpose matter?
Why is a man’s purpose so important? Those who do find meaning in their life. They get out of bed excited for what the day brings. They see life in a different light than those who just humdrum their way through assistance. Yes, sadly way more men don’t find their purpose than men who do. It isn’t because your purpose is so well hidden, no, it’s because they don’t even try. They decide that later when the kids are grown, or they get past this tough spot, or time simply isn’t right. Then before they realize it they are in their 80s and they believe it’s too late. (Hint: It’s Not)
So why find your purpose? Here are a couple of the numerous reasons.
It keeps us young
Have you ever seen a 60-year-old man run around like he is 30? If you manage to get him to slow down a bit and ask him, “How he has kept his energy lever up?” I am sure his reply would be something along the lines of they love what they are doing or they are having too much fun to slow down.
You see a man’s purpose is the fountain of youth. many men will attach their purpose to different things, for instance, their work or their marriage. This is why when men retire so many die within the first 5 years. They don’t have a purpose anymore. It was tied to what they did and their pride in how well they did it. This is also why so many men become disgruntled when they retire and after putting 30+ years into a company they get a cake, a cheap watch, and, a good job, and then unceremoniously pushed out the door. Some people may say it is a broken spirit but it’s not that. Because there are men who leave their job of 40 years and go on to keep working on what they want. These guys live to be 80 -9- years old and still as spry and alert as any young whipper snapper out there.
Men also have the same fate when it comes to being married. Men live longer when they are married. Yet if their wife dies before they do then it is within 5 years that many devoted men die also. My grandfather was the same way. In 2020 My grandmother passed away and Pop only lasted a little over a year. Some of his last words were, I’m tired. I want to go home and see Momma. Which was his term of endearment for his wife.
Now you can have many purposes that you are running with at the same time and that is the sad part of the point that so many men don’t even try. They can have their cake and eat it too but they don’t ever look for the cake. They just assume that they don’t have any and sit wondering why their life is so mediocre.
Your purpose attracts others to you
One of the most fascinating aspects of when a man finds his purpose and is pursuing it will all his will is that he attracts the attention of all those around him. A man shines when he is doing his calling. A man becomes a beacon of energy because he is doing what he was supposed to do. That masculine energy is creating stuff that many people couldn’t even fathom was possible.
A purpose-driven man emits an energy from his soul that draws other would to him. People want to know how he got to his position. Yeah, there is an element of work that is involved but there is also the dedication to reach that summit and being okay with going beyond that when you see that you are not done yet.
Your energy becomes an inspiration for others to find their purpose. Now many like moths to a light don’t understand why they are attracted to a man who is very clear in his why. They just know that this man has something that they don’t and their souls hunger for that energy. To get it just takes the same dedication and work that the purpose-driven man has, but for working on their own. These men want to try to absorb the excess energy by just being in this man’s presence and that will only lead to disillusionment.
If they want to find their own actual fulfillment they have to do the work of finding their own calling. It is a journey that you have to go on, but the level of challenge is all in your head. If you believe it is going to be tough and drought with peril then it will be highly frustrating. Yet if you see it as an adventure you will walk out of Hobbiton as Frodo did and have a grand time discovering yourself.
Keeps Burnout away
One of the biggest health problems men face is the risk of burnout. We apply so much resistance and friction to our lives that it is impossible for us to not grind away the important parts of us. the desire to do what a man wants to do versus what the world wants us to do is the big grindstone that eats us up in no time. the worse the resistance the worse the grinding.
This is why so many doctors walk away from their practice. The profession they chose isn’t aligned with what they want to do. This also applies to businessmen. They put in the late nights and long weekends with no end in sight. Soon enough they struggle to get out of bed. Depression creeps in and soon there is a full crisis on hand. Burnout is the big reason that suicides happen on Monday Morning. Men have used themselves up and never fed their soul.
It is what attracted your girl to you
Now if you are married and you wonder why the spark has died off. It is because you aren’t living your purpose.
Now you may want to try to state you didn’t know what your purpose was back when you and your wife first met, and that would be true, sort of. You see when you don’t know what your purpose is, Your purpose becomes finding your why. When you were young you were full of life and a sense of purpose. You didn’t have your purpose yet but you ended it was close and all you had to do was find it.
The problem was that you stopped pursuing your pursuit. You become distracted you followed everyone else’s dreams and not yours. You let your spark fade and that is why the marriage is bland now. Women want adventure and you had the adventure, till you stopped.
If you would like to see the sparkle of excitement in your wife or find a higher-level girlfriend look for your purpose and don’t let your woman’s dream get in the way of yours. Yall can both pursue your own dreams and enjoy the adventure together.
It leads to a fulfilled life
Now many people want to find success. They want to be happy. Yet to have that you have to be fulfilled in what you are doing or you will find that the summit of your success is littered with anxiety and fear. You fear that you will lose the edge you fought so hard to have. Your glancing at the future will bring on the anxiety of what if it all goes away. You may have millions in the bank but still fear not having enough money. These are symptoms of an unfulfilled life.
What does that purpose serve?
That depends on you. What are you wanting to get out of life? The purpose of your purpose is to feed your soul. Why do you crave something though you don’t know what it is? That is because your body is telling you that you are missing something your body needs. That sense of longing in you is your soul wanting to reach its potential. We all are full of potential and all we have to do is reach for it. When we do that you will see that light start to shine.
Now it is interesting that reaching for our fulfillment will sometimes actually scare us So we back away. That is because we have avoided the feeling of success so much that when we reach it it’s not normal.
How do you find your purpose?
This Is the topic of many different people from Tony Robbins to Life Hacker. There is not any set tried and true way to find what your purpose is. It takes a lot of just trying stuff out. What do you like to do? what were you obsessed about when you were a kid? What did your friends believe was your superpower back when you were young and What do your friends think now? That boring thing you do is also a big clue. There are things we can do to needle the solution out.
Look at how you are approaching life
Tony Robbins has a, 12 steps to define your Purpose, post that contains some helpful tidbits for your journey. He talks about how you need to look into yourself and see what is it that makes you happy. Tony talks about ownership of your life. You can start with finding out what your core values are, and write out a vision statement. Spend time with yourself and do a lot of introspection. Accept who you are. Which can be scary and wonderful at the same time. Then also find or build your community. This is another part of a Man’s Community that comes into play.
Ask Yourself Some Questions.
Mark Mason Asks some rather interesting questions to get you out of your head space and start thinking in a different direction.
- What’s True about you that would make the 8-year-old you cry?
- What makes you forget to eat or poop?
- How can you better embarrass yourself?
- If you knew you were going to die one year from today, what would you do to be remembered?
Many of these questions help you see one that you have to get uncomfortable to grow. Yet they also let you explore who you are as a person.
Get off your Butt and make a plan.
You can sit around and talk about your purpose all day. Talking is good but it won’t help you at all. The key to finding your purpose takes the same effort to find your keys in the morning. You have to get up out of bed or off the couch and start actually looking. Your purpose isn’t going to just land on your head. You have to actually try stuff and find out what it is like.
I suggest you make a list of what you find interesting and then try it. There are ways you can explore those possibilities. You have to be ready to try something and see how it doesn’t fit in with your life. then take what you learned and what you do like and apply it to the next endeavor.
I knew I wanted my own business for a while. Tried several different ways
Know that your purpose is to create something. This something is for you but it serves everyone. You have to create it for yourself and on your terms. Don’t do it for the whole or, as society wants to call it, the collective. It will not be yours and that creation will die before it ever really lives. It may be a business or it may be an art project. Then again your purpose may be introducing two people and creating a connection. We are creators and that is what we do. What we create depends on our purpose.
Still not sure? That is Fine.
Then that is your purpose at the moment. Find your purpose. Find it with the gusto of that young man back in college. Try and keep trying but don’t let it consume you. Too much of anything is bad. and if you beat yourself up because you don’t have your why yet it will only cause you to become blind to it. The adventure is the fun of discovery, not a punishment. So keep looking and you will find it under a cabbage leaf that you look at 100 times but that 101st time it will shine just right for you.
