One of the main goals men have is a long vibrant relationship with their wives. The problem that we often have with that dream is, we don’t know how. We model our relationships off of what we saw as kids. This often means that there were a lot of destructive and unhelpful coping mechanisms that play.
We saw adults who would not fight in front of the kids and so we have some kids who grow up, afraid that having a disagreement means that the marriage is falling apart. We have some adults who fall all the time and we have kids who think that that’s how you’re supposed to have relationships by yelling at each other. They never realize that there was a reconciliation that was supposed to happen at the end of a disagreement.
Then you have the fact that nobody understands how to process emotions. Some people are afraid of emotions. All others believe that they’re supposed to utilize their spouse as a therapist and throw up all their emotions on the other person. Other people struggle with their spouses, displaying emotions.
You see we are messy. As humans, we struggle with how we cope with certain circumstances. Yep because we have emotions and the thoughts that create those emotions we become these beautifully messy creatures. We still don’t know what it takes to have a long fruitful vibrant relationship with our wife. That’s what we’re gonna talk about this week.
Patients
This can be very tough for everyone. Yet it is one of the most needed ills for a relationship. This is because as previously mentioned, we have thoughts and emotions that can often seem irrational to the other person. So you have to be able to control your thoughts about a circumstance. And instead of becoming overwhelmed, angry, ashamed, embarrassed, or whatever you’re going to have to have patience with your spouse as they figure their life out.
Many times us men will start going down a path that we start seeing a lot of benefits in. So what do we do? We start telling her why they need to go down this path too. And then we get frustrated and perturbed because our wife takes a completely different path.
Then again we may see that our wife is struggling with something and we want to fix it. As we tell her what she needs to do she gets angry with us lashes out and tells us that she doesn’t want to fix it. This will completely confuse us because we know the answer yet she doesn’t want the problem fixed. That’s right she doesn’t want it fixed and we have to have the patient to let her figure it out herself. Because she’s not struggling with the problem. She’s struggling with the emotions of the problem. And we have no ability to even control that aspect. So all we can do is step back hold our wife’s hand and let her go through the problem in her own mind. Yes, she may wanna talk about it. And you can talk about it. Just don’t try to fix the problem. That isn’t unless she asked for you too.
Curiosity
Has the relationship hit 10 or 20 years? You’re gonna realize that the connection that was once there seems to have faded a bit. This happens because we have stopped being curious about our wife. We think that after 20 years we have her all figured out. Boy are we wrong.
I’ve been married to my wife for 28 years and I am still learning new aspects about her and her past and what her life experiences were that explains so much that has befuddled me.
Women have their form of experiences in two different circumstances. And even men can go through the same scenario and come out the other side with completely different experiences. This is again because each person has their thought about the situation and circumstances at hand.
So if you want to be able to connect to your wife, you will hear people say you need to talk with your wife. How do you talk with your wife? You ask her questions. Some questions won’t produce any answers while others that seem inconsequential, open a dam’s worth of emotions thoughts, and experiences.
So ask questions ask lots of questions and then ask questions on her answers and get curious honestly curious about your wife and watch her open up like she has never opened up before.
Willingness to learn
Many times once we are finished with school, we’re done with books. We think we have it all figured out. Don’t need to read another book ever again. Why do I because I’ve done all the reading I need I learned what I need to learn why keep learning?
Well, when you keep learning you keep growing. A man who stops learning starts dying. And when you are learning, you have a more positive outlook on life. You have a more chipper demeanor about you. You have a more positive mindset when you are learning and you are learning something that you like.
If you want a long, healthy, vibrant marriage, then you have to keep learning. If you find a problem in your marriage that you want a solution to read a book. You trying to find what your purpose in life is by reading a book. Listen to a podcast. Go to a conference about something that interests you.
The key is you don’t stop learning. You stay interesting to your wife when you keep learning.
Health
What is one of the best ways to show your wife that you are in it for the long haul? By showing her that you are going to be by her side for the long haul. That means you’re eating right. You controlling your weight. You’re exercising. You’re not over-drinking all the time. You’re leading a somewhat active life.
When you stay in shape, that means you’re gonna live longer. You’re gonna be able to protect her and the kids because you have greater endurance. These are all come thanks to diet and exercise.
Now I am not one of those who think you need to ditch all the good food. Eat steak. Eat a baked potato from time to time. But also eat a salad more than once a month. Have vegetables with your meals. And eat more vegetables than you do meat. Savor that steak every time you have it.
I’m not saying you can’t drink either. Enjoy your beer or glass of whiskey. But don’t go through a 24-pack each night don’t go through 16 pack each night. I wouldn’t even recommend going through a six-pack each night. Moderation is the key to all things healthy. So be moderate in your drinking be moderate in your junk food. Eat foods that have ingredients that you can pronounce.
Friends
Now we all know you love your wife. You love your kids too. But spending every second possible with your wife is not doing her nor you any good. You have to have other friends in your life. Those guy friends are there for your benefit. Because your wife needs the positive masculine energy that you provide to the family. She gets that positive. Masculine energy from you after you spent time with your band of Brothers. So go up-to-date with your guy friends. See them once a week. Yes, there might be times. Your wife gets a little nervous that you’re spending that much time with them, but it is only one night a week.
Passion
What gets you up and out of bed? What gets your engine running when you hear somebody talking about it? What are you truly passionately about? This is something you have to answer for yourself. This may be your big goal to do is to find your passion.
When you have no passion, you have no direction. That lack of direction will cause you to become a bump on a log. Your wife will start to lose interest in you. If you are just going to work and coming home and going to work and coming home, you will be bored.
Your wife married you for an adventure. Yet here you are sitting on the couch watching a football game, instead of going out chasing your passion and fulfilling your dreams. Which one sounds more appealing to you a man with a purpose or a man who just likes to watch football?
Allowing
This skill along with patience are the two toughest skills you will have that will help you have a better marriage overall. To be able to allow your wife to have her emotions. To have her life. To allow you to have your own life. Allow your wife to have her own experiences in her life. Without judgment you are missing out is tough.
It takes a lot of work to allow the people around you to have their own experiences. This is because their experiences create thoughts in your head and as mentioned before human thoughts create emotions, and those emotions can get messy at times. So you have to be able to maintain your thoughts about the circumstance that is, your wife’s experiences with her circumstances. Yeah, when you can allow her to have her experiences and you have your own experiences without judging either one you will be well on your way back and relaxing into a great and wonderful, long, productive relationship.
If you would like help with having your own relationship, be better I encourage you to take the next step.
