When it comes to talking to each other we often get so much wrong. It isn’t because we don’t care or don’t want to be heard but we don’t know how to communicate effectively. Our ability to open good solid channels of communication lags behind our ability to talk. The hang-up is the habits we have created when we were growing up. Our thoughts of what the other person is saying. We believe that emotions happen to us and so when someone says something that isn’t nice and doesn’t feel good, we stop communicating and that is when we actually need to lean in and communicate even more.
Tony Overbay at the Virtual Couch Podcast often talks about his 4 pillars of effective communication and I still don’t have a fully solid grasp on them but I see the benefits enough to want to share these pillars with you.
- Assuming good intentions
- Don’t send the message of “you’re wrong” or “I don’t believe you,” EVEN IF you think the other person is wrong, or you don’t believe them
- Ask questions BEFORE making comments
- Stay present, lean in, and do all that you can to stay out of “victim mode.”
So how do THESE 4 pillars of effective communication work?
These 4 pillars are different than The 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male these help you to build a better platform of being able to be heard and understood. All while helping you and those close to you to build the much-needed connection that you crave.
Assuming Good Intentions
the person you are talking to didn’t wake up and say they want to make your life hard today.
Dont say You’re wrong
Even if they are, don’t shut the connection off by saying they are wrong
Ask Questions
See to understand before being understood
Dont Be a Victim
You lose all respect and connections that way
The Next Step
If you’re struggling with thoughts or limitations around what is making you play small in life, then getting coached by Bryan is your next best step.
No more feeling frustrated, lost, or hopeless about being a victim.
Getting coached by Bryan will help you overcome your self-confidence blocks and discover what is truly possible in you
Summary
In this episode, Bryan, the host of The Relaxed Male, discusses the importance of effective communication in relationships. He expresses gratitude for the growing number of listeners and their support in sharing the show with others. Bryan acknowledges the struggle of wondering if anyone is listening but finds encouragement in hearing from men around the world. Bryan explains that the lack of communication often stems from not following certain rules or pillars. He introduces the four pillars of effective communication, as explained by Tony Overbay.
These pillars include assuming good intentions, not starting off with “you’re wrong,” asking questions, and not playing the victim. Bryan emphasizes the importance of following these rules to improve communication with spouses, children, bosses, or anyone else. However, Bryan explains that he himself sometimes fails to follow these pillars.
He admits to not fully listening to his spouse and often having other thoughts in his head. He shares that his spouse often expresses frustration about certain things, and they end up blaming each other, building a wall that hinders effective communication. Bryan further discusses the fourth pillar of good communication, which is not playing the victim. He explains that it’s important to ask questions and find solutions instead of trying to coach his wife, as she sees it as “Zen Buddha bullshit.”
By asking questions, Bryan believes that they can understand each other better and avoid conflicts. He emphasizes that yelling and preaching only result in nobody listening. Moving on, Bryan delves into the importance of effective communication in relationships. He emphasizes that when we break the rules of engagement out of frustration, we actually lose the battle and create distance between ourselves and our partner. A lack of understanding can lead to a lack of respect, so it’s crucial to ask questions and seek clarity.
Bryan encourages listeners to approach conversations with curiosity and to avoid playing the victim. Instead, he suggests standing up for oneself, taking care of one’s own needs, and making changes in communication tactics. He concludes by inviting listeners to share the podcast with others and offering a special coaching package to those interested in improving their communication with their partners. He encourages listeners to take action and looks forward to discussing another great topic in the next episode.
00:00:00 Rules of engagement for effective communication
00:01:02 Effective communication makes you the go-to person
00:02:11 Growing audience and the power of effective communication
00:09:32 Effective Communication: Understanding Frustration and Assumptions
00:12:05 The Importance of Active Listening and Avoiding Blame
00:15:00 Asking Curious Questions to Improve Understanding and Resolve Conflict
00:18:38 The Importance of Effective Communication in Relationships
00:20:01 Avoiding Disrespect and Playing the Victim in Conversations
00:22:38 Take Action to Improve Communication and Change Your Life
