You have probably heard of the unwritten law that if a joke is at a person‘s expense it’s not funny. Most of the time that’s pretty much right. There are exceptions when you pull a practical joke on your buddies, but throwing a joke at the expense of one particular person often can be a problem.
This applies even more so to your spouse. Many times we will make snide, cutting remarks towards the person that we love the most. Then you act surprised and claim it was just a joke when she gets upset.
When it comes to wanting to build a good strong connection with our wife, there is one poison pill that will destroy that foundation slowly. Much like how acid roads metal sarcasm is an acid to your relationship.
This is because often the little cutting jokes erode the relationship to the point to where our loving wife suddenly isn’t so loving anymore. So let’s talk about the poison pill that is sarcasm.
Just good fun
It’s just a joke! This is what we often explain. We will make these little jokes here and there about our wife. About aspects of her that she may be a little tender about. And we think we’re just joking. But sarcasm is a biting passive-aggressive act that we will use when we want to raise a concern, but don’t have the balls to voice our problem outright.
I said this is a very passive-aggressive means of communication. If your wife is gaining a little bit of weight, commenting I need to get the newer model of wife may sound funny to you, and your wife may chuckle about it. It also sticks in the back of her mind and starts to erode the trust she has in you.
If you want a strong, healthy committed relationship with your wife eroding her trust in that you are going to have her back sarcasm in the way to do it.
Yes, we use sarcasm in many ways with our guy friends. This is how we call each other out on some of our shortcomings that can be handled that way. However, this is not how your wife communicates and so she takes what you say. It doesn’t apply the sarcasm filter
What harm does sarcasm do?
Instead of being able to fully communicate, what the problem is, we look for ways to make a little jabs and our wife. These little jabs aren’t intentionally meant to hurt, but men and women communicate differently. So yes, we as men would take the sarcastic remark as the caring jab that we need to correct something and let it go.
Our wife takes things a little differently. Could you see sarcasm is like death by 1000 cuts? The first couple of sarcastic marks about your wife may not hurt very much, but the hundredth one really starts to hit really deep and starts to cut down towards the bone.
The interesting part is that it’s not just about your wife. It is also about what she’s watching, her friends, or anything else that she is actually active in with she takes The comments as being a direct assault upon her character.
Now this isn’t just about how you make sarcastic remarks to your wife. It also reflects on the sarcastic remark. Your wife may make to you. The deep, biting sarcastic remarks we make to each other show how a lack of respect there is in the relationship.
That’s just who I am
Many guys will comment that it is just who I am. I am just a sarcastic type of guy. I would say to that,
No, that is how you handle important topics you are too scared to raise at other times.
As I have said several times already, sarcasm is just a passive-aggressive way nice guys point to the faults of other people, while trying to control that persons emotional response.
Instead of telling your wife, hey babe, is everything OK? I am noticing that you have been letting the house be dirtier than normal. You may say something along the lines of well I guess the maid didn’t come to work today.
Can you see how that type of remark would undermine the trust that you want your wife to have in you?
Yeah, it is scary to make a statement of what you observe. However, trying to make a statement and then say that it was a joke shows that you were being two-faced, and you are trying to emotionally control the situation. Don’t do that. It doesn’t work it only aggravates the circumstance even more.
So I’m not supposed to joke around with my wife?
No, absolutely joke with your wife. Just don’t make her the butt of cutting demeaning jokes. You can poke fun at her and she can poke fun at you as long as it’s not a criticism of a type of joke like sarcasm provides. You know if she walked out of the wrong door in the middle of a movie and everybody starts yelling at her
Yeah, you can joke about that but the better thing to do is to joke about you. It is always safer to have self-deprecating jokes. Jokes about you are OK. You’re also showing that you have a sense of humor and that you don’t take yourself too seriously.
Your wife wants you to have everybody laugh. She likes her man to have a funny side. She wants a man that can make her laugh. But she does not want a guy that demands her through sarcastic negative comments. That will destroy your relationship, fast faster than anything.
We want to build stronger relationships with our wives. We can’t do that when we are undermining the foundation that our relationship is based upon. That relationship is between you and your wife. So love her without putting her on a pedestal. Adore her for being the loving woman who found something of quality in you. Embraced the fact that she has stuck by your side all these years. All those times you’ve irritated her. All the time she is irritated you. Y’all have still stuck it out this long. That is something worthy to cheer about. That is something to hold onto each other for. Because this world can be a scary and dark place And we need the good healthy uplifting jokes that dads are famous for.
