This week we are changing things up a bit. I am bringing a client on so that you can see what being coached is like. We have Todd on this week and he is having an issue of how he takes the leadership role and helps guide a coworker so that their project will meet and exceed all expectations.
We often will have co-workers who do their own thing, their own way. Some people will have their own communication styles that are not conducive to the success of the project.
Here’s a detailed 1500-word summary of the podcast episode:
This is Episode 264 of The Relaxed Male podcast, hosted by certified coach Brian Goodwin. The episode features a coaching session with Todd, a client who has been working with Brian since December 2023, to demonstrate what coaching looks like in practice.
Client Background and Initial Challenges:
Todd is a husband, father, and engineering professional who initially sought coaching for relationship struggles with his wife, particularly around financial issues. He was frustrated with what he perceived as his wife’s excessive spending and feeling like he had no control over the situation. Through coaching, this aspect of his relationship has significantly improved.
Current Work Challenges
The main focus of the coaching session centers on Todd’s workplace dynamics, specifically his relationship with a program manager in his matrix organization. Todd serves as an engineering leader while working alongside this program manager who has a different reporting structure. The key challenges include:
- Decision-making issues: The program manager tends to be hesitant in making firm decisions, often asking the team to study issues further rather than taking decisive action.
- Resource management concerns: This indecisiveness leads to the team spending excessive time and money studying problems that might be outside their project scope.
- Budget and schedule impacts: The lack of clear direction puts project timelines and budgets at risk.
Communication Styles Discussion
Brian introduces four different communication styles and their implications:
- Aggressive: The “my way or the highway” approach that stifles creativity and team development
- Passive: Wishy-washy, indirect communication that leaves too much ambiguity
- Passive-aggressive: Described as the “slime ball” approach that combines aggression with false niceness
- Assertive: Direct, fact-based communication that empowers team members while maintaining clear expectations
Leadership Insights
The conversation evolves into a deeper discussion about effective leadership principles:
- Resource Provision: Brian defines leadership as providing resources so the team can accomplish their goals, rather than just giving orders.
- Responsibility Distribution: Effective leaders give team members ownership of their tasks while remaining available for support.
- Creative Freedom: Good leadership allows team members to implement their own approaches to reach defined objectives, rather than micromanaging the process.
Personal Growth and Changes
Todd reflects on his growth through coaching, noting several key improvements:
- Relationship with Wife
- Shifted from anger and frustration about spending to understanding and appreciation
- Implemented intentional actions like creating special occasions (birthday week with daily gifts)
- Saw positive changes in his wife’s behavior when he changed his approach
- Professional Development:
- Recognized his tendency toward passive-aggressive communication
- Learning to be more assertive without being perceived as a jerk
- Developing better strategies for handling disagreements with colleagues
Key Coaching Concepts Discussed
The Model:
- Thoughts create feelings
- Feelings drive actions
- Actions produce results
- Importance of being intentional rather than reactive
Response Training:
- Understanding that we “fall to our training, not rise to our intentions”
- Need for consistent practice and mindful responses
- Importance of after-action reviews to learn from experiences
Brain Function:
- Natural tendency to default to worst-case scenarios
- Role of the habit center in automatic responses
- Importance of engaging the front brain for thoughtful responses
Intentionality:
- Value of planned, purposeful actions in both personal and professional relationships
- Impact of mindful responses versus reactive behaviors
- Importance of examining thoughts and their consequences
Practical Applications
The session provides several practical approaches for improvement:
- For Workplace Challenges
- Taking more initiative in meetings
- Speaking up with concerns in a constructive way
- Focusing on solutions rather than complaints
- Using assertive communication to maintain professional relationships
- For Personal Relationships
- Allowing a partner to have their own approach to things
- Understanding that different perspectives don’t necessarily mean wrong perspectives
- Taking intentional actions to show appreciation
- Breaking negative feedback loops through changed responses
The Transformation Process
Brian emphasizes that change is incremental and requires:
- Consistent practice
- Patience with the process
- Willingness to examine and adjust thoughts
- Regular after-action reviews
- Acceptance that old habits will occasionally resurface
The episode concludes with Todd acknowledging the significant progress he’s made over the past year of coaching, particularly in his marriage and leadership abilities. Brian highlights how Todd’s willingness to examine his thoughts and change his approaches has led to meaningful improvements in both his personal and professional life.
The podcast ends with a call to action for listeners interested in coaching, directing them to visit relaxedmail.com/try coaching, where they can schedule a session and experience similar transformative conversations for themselves.
This coaching session effectively demonstrates how professional coaching can help individuals identify patterns in their thinking and behavior, develop new approaches to challenges, and create positive changes in both personal and professional relationships through intentional action and mindful responses.
If you would like to try coaching the please follow the link
