Skillful Ways to Leave an Arguments

Now many times we face an epic battle. That battle. Between one human and another, who has differing thoughts. This battle may be of importance, for instance, who’s gonna pick up the baby? Where it may be as an oculus as who changed the channel on the television.

As humans get into these battles they are also called arguments all the time and argument is nothing more than a differing view circumstance. Yet because we like to take everything personally we take disagreements and arguments to incredible levels.

What was the last argument that you had? I bet you it was something that seemed like it was visually important. You worked incredibly hard to get your spouse onto your side, even though she was on her own side. That might be you thinking your friend is OK and your wife thinking that your friend is a bad influence upon you.

The truth is it doesn’t fully matter because both sides of the argument are just thoughts. That’s all they’re not true. There’s truth mixed in with the thoughts, but they are not 100%. Some opinions and biases are mixed in with what we are saying for our defense of our view of the argument.

So you find yourself in maybe the occasional argument or maybe you and your spouse are arguing all the time. Those arguments may be minor at times or tremendous life and death struggles at others. Why do these arguments appear to feel so great and important if they are not? If you’re tired of arguing, how do you stop arguing?

Their answers to those questions and more. We’re going to address those questions here. We’re going to talk about how you can actually get out of an argument and remain amicable and turn these arguments into powerful tools that allow you to grow. Allow you to have actually better connection with your spouse. All because you’re willing to not back down and run away from a little discomfort. or how you actually approach your wife if she is the one who doesn’t like confrontation.

Understand that the argument isn’t life and death

Many times when we are arguing, it can seem like it’s a huge issue. Or one person is making it a big issue the other person is making it a non-issue. Why is the person or person who is making it an issue making it so big?

We first have to start looking at how humans look at strife. Our brain loves to jump to the worst possible scenario every time a problem creeps up. We instantly jump into scarcity mode when we are not in agreement with our spouse.

Our mind’s arguments are matter of life and death. We have to be right or we will be kicked out of the village. We don’t want to be ostracized because that means that we have to live alone. If we are living alone, we will die.

Now this sounds absolutely absurd. I agree, but that’s how our mind likes to work. It wants to go into survival mode, and the more emotions are thrown around the more it feels like a huge battle is going on. And we fall more into survival mode because of the actions and circumstances that are happening.

The key to all of this is to understand that it is just a disagreement. It is just an argument. It is not a fight to the death. It’s not even a fight for life. That is just what your mind is. Trying to tell you about the disagreement because it wants to look for the worst possible outcome.

Don’t take the argument personally

Another thing that happens with arguments is when things are being said we take those things personally. Even if those words are directed at you, you always leave the toilet seat up. She is just expressing how she feels. Doesn’t matter whether the toilet seat is up or down, she just feels like you always leave it up. You don’t have to take anything she says as personal it’s not personal. It’s just thoughts.

The reason so many arguments get out of hand is that we take everything personally. We hear someone say that we are not being man we take that personally. Do they know you’re being a man or not? No, the answer is they are just throwing out a thought. we get upset and angry at a saying because we take that thought personally we think that they are attacking us with a vibration of air.

Yeah, they may be saying mean things to us, but those words have no power over us unless we agree with what they’re saying. We will get upset because the truth is a little too close to what was being said and so we feel we have to defend ourselves. Don’t take what your wife says personally. It is just her sharing her thoughts. She’s trying to see if she can react to her world. She wants to be able to feel like she has some sort of power. And if you agree with what she is saying, you are giving her power.

Stay calm

This is very tough to do in the heat of the battle. How do you stay calm whenever everyone else is losing their mind? You understand that everybody is just reacting to their thoughts and they’re having the emotions from those thoughts you can have intentional thoughts and remain calm in the middle of a storm. You can see everyone around you, losing control of their mind and going into fight or flight mode all because you chose to remain calm in a high emotional situation.

When you start having intentional thoughts, you can start paying attention to how you choose to react to a circumstance when you do that you have the ability to stay calm while your wife is yelling and screaming at you. While your boss is losing all composure, you can still remain calm and reasonable. When you have a call mine you know when it’s time to be able to step away from an argument

Let your wife have her feelings

Now for nice guys, this next part is tough. This skill will keep many arguments at bay. Because we fan the flames of an argument when we try to manage our wife’s feelings. We try to get her to calm down, to settle down, to relax. all that ends up doing is causing our wife to get even more heated.

So let your wife have her emotions. They don’t affect you. Her emotions are her emotions. Your emotions are your emotions. When you have your own emotions, that’s all your feelings. That uneasiness that you’re having is your emotions. Those emotions come from your thoughts about your wife being unhappy. You’re worried about. Is your wife going to leave you because she’s unhappy? If you’ve been married for three years, still a good no she’s not gonna leave you yet, and she won’t let you if you let her have her emotions.

Understand you can’t control her emotions

Continuing on with letting your wife have her emotions also know that you can’t manage her emotions. You cannot control how she is going to feel. How is she is going to react or respond to a circumstance? That is beyond your control. Remember all you can control are your thoughts and your actions. That’s it. Nothing more. So don’t waste your energy trying to control and manage your wife’s emotions.

This is one of the reasons why the covert contracts never work. You want her to feel a particular emotion because of the actions you’ve done. Yet she has a completely different set of emotions than what you wanted. Why? Because she is a human with her own mind and she has her own experiences in her life.so her thoughts and her actions are going to be completely different than your thoughts and your actions. Not to mention she is also a woman you’re a man we have different sets of emotions for set types of circumstances.

Why do you want to step away from the argument?

Now, why do you want to step away from an argument? Is it because you don’t like the way you feel while you’re having that fight? Are you feeling very anxious? Maybe you’re feeling very nervous? It doesn’t matter what it is you feel that’s just an emotion. What you have to understand is why you want to leave. The argument is because your wife has become too wrapped up in her emotions and you want to be able to give her a chance to calm down? Are you getting too heated and you need to step away so you can calm down? Maybe you just don’t like fighting you walk away she’ll calm down on her own and you can come back in like nothing happened.

That last one is dangerous. To walk away from an argument should only be done as a means to bring the pressure down a bit. That’s all. If you’re doing it as a means to again control your wife emotionally. It’s not going to work. she’s gonna hold onto her thoughts she’s gonna hold onto her emotions if you want to have a good argument with her. I healthy argument with her, you’ve got the thing you’ve got to be uncomfortable. When you allow that argument to happen, you allow a better understanding between you and your wife. It’s scary it’s uncomfortable. It’s something that doesn’t. We don’t wanna do something that has to be done. Especially if you want a relationship that last long time.

Skillful ways to leave

This is kind of a gotcha because there’s only one skillful way to leave an argument. That is to resolve the conflict at hand. Yeah, I know you’re going on man. What a chip, but that is the only truly skillful way to step away from an argument. You have to do the hard things.

And that’s a key point you can do hard stuff you can do the uncomfortable things that you want to avoid. After you do the uncomfortable challenging things that you want to avoid all of a sudden your life got just a lot sweeter. If you go through those arguments when they arrive and you stand and, come to a good resolution with your wife, your relationship becomes stronger. Which means you start getting what you actually want. Which is a better stronger deeper connection with your wife.

You do that strictly because you skillfully stood in front of your wife, had the disagreement resolved the disagreement and moved on. This is a powerful skill to have. A skill where you can except your wife as wholy as the human being that she is. Except for the emotions that she has. And you can still love her because she has those emotions. That is the skill of resolving an argument.