You have had a bad day. It’s normal to have an off day or even an off week. So what makes that day, week, or year appear to be bad? We want to point our finger at an event. We want to say “Our boss is just a jerk”, “My car fell apart” or “I was diagnosed with something horrible and terrible”. We want to talk about how one event in our day is what made our whole day become rotten. How does your boss get so much power? Yes, many people what to say it is our economic system that has given Mr. Boss the power he has to lord over his minions as he does. OK, If that is so then what about that flat tire you had? How did an inanimate object ruin your day? Where did that negative emotion come from?
We, humans, do love to exaggerate and stretch our pain out for everyone to see and hide our accomplishments as if they are a dirty family secret. However many people do not see the true fact of the whole scenario. It isn’t the went that makes the day bad. It is the negative emotions that accompany the circumstance that we are actually focusing in on. Your boss yelling at you may have made you feel inadequate, embarrassed, let down, stressed, overwhelmed, useless, anxious, guilty, awful, ashamed, or who knows what else. The flat tire may have you feeling frustrated or helpless, alone, or some other emotion. These feelings you have because of a circumstance can be rather uncomfortable for us to experience. Because of that discomfort from that emotion, we have decided those emotions are negative emotions
So what do you do when you have a negative emotion? Many of us try to change that emotion. Since it is uncomfortable we find a way to avoid that feeling. We may drown our emotions by drinking, eating, gambling, watching porn, or just television or video games, or a myriad of ways we can distract ourselves from an uncomfortable emotion. Yet what you are actually doing is changing your thought. Instead of facing the thought that is creating the emotional response we drown out our thought with different activities we resist the thought and the emotion and prolong the emotional distress that we long to alleviate simply because we refuse to look at the so-called negative emotion.
We all have negative emotions
Many people want to believe that men don’t feel emotions and those people do include other men. Yet I am here to say that everybody does feel even Mr Stoic. They feel their emotions too. Many people don’t understand stoicism because they see it as a lack of emotions those are Vulcans. Stoics are about the domestication of their emotions. So yes men do have emotions they also express those emotions and avoid those emotions just as much as women do. The difference is how they share their emotions feminist want men to share them in a way that isn’t normal for men to share. Men often don’t share them with their wives till they have a solution. Men share their emotions with their other friends in a close circle. We process our emotions differently that is all
What are negative emotions?
There are two types of emotions in my coaching practice. It’s not a positive or negative emotion. Because each emotion has a use and is good for us. Yes, I am saying anger is good for us. I am saying that anxiety is good for us. I am saying that there is nothing wrong with feeling sad. All Emotions are Normal. Emotions are divided up into two categories but they are more out of where those emotions originate from, that is Love and Fear. Many folks like to say that hate is the opposite of love yet that’s not the case hate comes from fear. From not understanding something so Yeah is hate an extreme fear of something? Yes, but the root of that emotion is fear. The emotions we don’t like are fear-based emotions. The emotion we want to feel all the time is love based.
Why do these emotions have to be negative?
It does appear to be very inconvenient to get angry or sad or anxious when you are doing something you would like to do. We often point our fingers at our wives or kids because we don’t want to admit that we are in full control of our emotions. It would be nice to not have to control the emotional output. It would be fun to say that it is someone else’s fault that we are sad. But that isn’t the case.
Besides, why would you want a happy life all the time? If you woke up happy and went to bed happy and the day all through it were you being happy, then that would be not happy but normal. Look at people who don’t have a struggle in their life. Most of these people are miserable. This is because of the lack of a struggle. IF they were to have to fight for something they wanted they would suddenly find a spark of joy and accomplishment in their life. So why do we have negative emotions? So that we appreciate the happy positive emotions more. This is worked into life thanks to the 50/50 Principle
50/50 Principle
One of the best principles I have been introduced to is the 50/50 principle. That is half of your life is great awesome and full of love-based emotions but the other half is fear-based emotions. These can happen next to each other in the span of an hour. Just watch The Whale or A Man Called Otto. You have highs and lows in these and many other movies.
Many people often want to haggle over the 50/50 principle and say they think it is 80/20 and that just shows how uncomfortable they are with the thought that they will have discomfort and fear in their lives. This is why so many people fail at what they want to accomplish in their life. They are not willing to process that much fear. They want more happiness than they are willing to fight for so they give up.
While if you are willing to fight it out and face the disappointment of your attempts. If you process the emotions and not avoid them you actually have the ability to embrace your sense of fulfillment more and more. Yeah, you will have negative emotions from time to time but you accept them let them run their course, and then continue.
What do we normally do?
The average person senses a negative emotion and they shove it away. They don’t want to face the sadness or disappointment. So they avoid it. This actually keeps that fear-based emotion alive longer. Because the thoughts that create the negative emotion aren’t being addressed. They are being ignored and so when the thought is thought and we try to drown it with alcohol we only keep that uncomfortable emotion alive a little longer and it needs to.
What is a better way of processing negative emotions?
There are always better ways to process your emotions. We know that not processing them just extends the discomfort more and more. TIll the pain becomes too great. So how do we process the emotions? There are a couple of ways to process emotions so that you are able to keep moving.
The first way is to involve your band of brothers. Tap into that strong Man’s Community pillar. Talk your problem out and the emotions will somewhat start to fade away. Now you will be faced with other thoughts that may help or hinder your processing. Yet talking your problems out often will help you find a solution to the actual circumstance. That change will lead to you feeling better.
A better way to process your emotions is to describe them. How do those emotions feel in your body? Are they hot cold sharp, rough, or smooth? Focus on the emotion and as you do you will notice a few things about that supposed uncomfortable emotion. First is that it is just a vibration that you feel throughout your body. That is all. it is nothing more. So yeah you were running from a vibration that can’t do you any harm.
You are also able to discover that your thoughts are the root of those emotions and when you change how you look at a circumstance you find that the emotional toil you faced goes away. You can look at the abuse you faced by your mom as you were growing up as a bad and shameful thing or you can see that circumstance as a catalyst that cause you to become a better person. Which of those thoughts are heavy and light? which of those thoughts gives you power or takes power away?
Know who to blame
Many times we want to say our ex-wife or some external event is the culprit that is stealing your joy from you. Yet with the knowledge that your thoughts create your emotions you see and start to understand that it is actually you that makes you happy or causes you to feel depressed. Many times people become fixed in their thoughts so much that they actually fear feeling good. This is where depression comes into play for people who have been sad for so long that they have actually altered their brain chemistry.
Why do those emotions bother you?
This is a good question to ask yourself. Why does that emotion of anxiety bother you? What is it about that anxiety that you shy away from? What if you allowed yourself to feel anxiety once a day? That is what Eleanor Roosevelt was talking about in her famous quote:
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Eleanor Roosevelt
Anxiety is just being fearful of the unknown. Well, we don’t know what’s gonna happen so you can choose to embrace the unknown and go on an adventure or you can be fearful of it and never live your life. No amount of drugs will help with that. because you have to have your emotions to go on that adventure. If you don’t feel anything then did you really go there?
Your thoughts on your circumstances?
Remember that your thoughts are what actually piss you off. The anger we feel is often because we are afraid that the person is right. So ask yourself are they right? If not then why did you get so angry?
Our emotions are the color of our memories they give our life the much-needed life we crave. But to be able to feel the elation of the peak you have to feel the fear of the climb. That is the base truth of all of life.
