What is caretaking vs caregiving? This may not sound like there is much difference between the two but they are actually direct opposites of each other. You see the Caregiver is giving care to a person. While a caretaker is a person who takes their sense of self-worth from the person they are caring for.
A codependent person is often a caretaker, and a nice guy is also a codependent person now you see why this is something you want to address. Especially if you find that you are a nice guy.
There are 5 beginner steps to getting out of the caretaking habit and changing your life so that you are able to be a better-rounded person.
Determine who you are
What are your top 5 traits? Many caretakers and nice guys are so wrapped up in other people that they don’t know who they are. They know everybody’s favorite ice cream or pizza but they really don’t know what they like. Find out who you really are. First, You won’t have success in overcoming your codependency until you know who you actually are.
Recognize that other’s expectations are not your obligations
People will expect a lot from you and if you are the go-to emergency person they will come to you for any small thing that they could take care of themselves. They can expect you to make the thanksgiving dinner but that doesn’t mean you are obligated to do so. And this leads to the next step
Learn to say NO
You can say no. No thank you, I simply can’t. And say no without any qualifiers. I have to write emails, then that gives the other person a way to rope you in. You can say I not doing that, or I just don’t do that. Why? Who cares?
You aren’t leaving them in a lurch. You are setting a healthy boundary. The person wanting you to help is able to figure out the solution. You are actually doing them a favor by letting them figure out their own solution. Will they fail? yeah and that is good for them. You are showing them more love by saying no than by doing the work for them.
Establish healthy boundaries and the consequences
You can and should set boundaries. If not you are opening yourself to all that aggravation and frustration you have experienced in the past. I don’t know many people who like that feeling so why allow it simply because you like to feel needed?
Set boundaries and when a person crosses that boundary execute the consequence. even if you just showed up and they want you to do something you said you weren’t going to do. Perform the consequence of leaving.
Don’t get caught up in another person’s whirlwind
You don’t have to fix other people’s problems. That isn’t your job. they can do it. It won’t be how you would do it and that is just fine. They have their own way of fixing the problem. Again letting people struggle is actually showing more love towards them than doing the work for them.
