You and your wife are out and about town. You run to the restroom and you come back and some guy is talking to your wife. How do you react? Most grown men will take the fact that their wife has drawn the attention of another guy and make it mean one thing. While a jealous man will make the circumstance mean something completely different.
Jealousy is one of those emotions that we have all felt at one time or another. The issue that we have with jealousy is that it’s not very helpful to the end goal that we have in mind.
Why do we get jealous? Where does jealousy come from? What does jealousy say about us? These are important questions we want to look at and understand.
What is jealousy?
As a whole jealousy is an emotion. It’s an emotion that is created from the thought that you are missing out or you’re going to have something taken from you. We often become jealous because we are afraid that our wife is going to leave us.
Jealousy also shows up when we see somebody else has something we want. Like our neighbor gets a new bass boat. Maybe they get a new fancy car. Then again you may hear that somebody has just come back from a dream vacation of yours.
Jealousy also comes from a lack of trust. If you don’t trust that your wife is going to stay faithful to you or you don’t trust that you’re going to get your share of the value you put into something or you simply don’t trust yourself in being able to do What needs to be done. We’re often gonna find ourselves in the scarcity-oriented world of jealousy.
Where does jealousy come from?
To put it in the most simple words possible jealousy comes from a thought. This thought is that you’re going to lose something and that it causes you to hold on tighter. Jealousy is the bodyguard of the fact that you feel incompetent or inadequate.
This sensation that you feel when somebody has something you want is often paired with anger. Because remember anger is fear’s bodyguard. When you’re afraid that you are inadequate, insufficient, or lacking in one trait or another, this is where jealousy creeps up. Simply because you have just seen evidence to back up your belief. You feel the fear that you’re right. Then the anger appears because how dare you feel like you’re not good enough.
When You are jealous you’re afraid that you might lose, or you’re being denied some type of resource. Whether that resource is food, money or sex depends on the circumstance.
Jealousy is a result of a scarcity mindset. This is evident in the results that you get when you’re jealous. If you’re afraid your wife is talking to other men and that she may leave you, you’re gonna wind up being a jerk which is going to cause her to leave.
This is why people who have a scarcity mindset of money are broke. They are so worried about what they don’t have that they fail to see what they do have.
This is why you see the people who have the most jealousy in their lives are the full-grown boys. These are the guys who are not confident enough to do what needs to be done. They are the guys who are immature in their emotional state. These are the guys who react to everything and fail to respond and think things through.
What are the results of a jealous mind?
The result of jealousy is that in the end, you will get what you’re afraid of. This is a hard part of life. The harder you tighten your grip around something the more it will slip away. This is why a jealous man will always lose the girl. A jealous woman will always lose the man. They will always create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you break this down as a model, you see it as this
- C- my wife is talking to another man
- T – she wants to sleep with him
- F – jealousy
- A – walk up to them and threaten the man
- R – she ends up becoming tired of the emotional drama you are bringing to the table and leaves.
The results of jealousy will always lead to more resentment. Unless you come to understand that you are the source and cause of your jealousy. It is not your wife talking to another man that is causing you to be jealous. If that was the case every man would become jealous the moment they saw their wife talking to another man. So ask yourself why some men do not become jealous. The answer is they are confident and trust their wife in those circumstances.
How do you stop being jealous?
At its heart jealousy comes from a thought. These thoughts can be fleeting but if you pay attention you can grasp what thoughts you having. When you understand what the thought is you can work on changing that thought.
So what if you are a jealous person how do you stop being jealous? The solution isn’t easy but very possible and it starts with examining yourself. Why do you get jealous? What are your answers to that?
You might also wanna ask yourself the following questions,
- What are you afraid will happen?
- Do you believe that acting like an insecure little boy will encourage your wife to want to stay with you?
- How are my emotional blowouts affecting those around me?
Now that last one may throw you a little bit because you know that my emotions do not affect anybody other than me. Yet our emotional reaction becomes somebody else’s circumstances. So they have a choice on how they’re going to respond or react to our emotional explosion. So if you’re stomping around and puffing up like a wet hen and you’re trying to get your girlfriend to emotionally control you, yeah, eventually she’s going to get tired of having to try to do the impossible.
Someth Stop feeling jealousy is the first recognize that you’re feeling jealous. And learn how to moderate yourself when you’re feeling jealous. When you come to that point and understand what you’re feeling, then you can start to see how acting like an immature brat is not sexy to your wife. You are not turning her on because you’re trying to intimidate the waiter. After all, he made a joke to your wife. Jealousy does not fix a broken situation. You have to first understand why you do not trust your wife.
If it was a past girlfriend who violated your trust, then you have to see that your wife is not that past girlfriend is she? Has your wife done anything to violate your trust? These are all questions you wanna ask yourself. It helps if you go through and do models so that you can see what thought is setting you off on this jealous tangent. Once you realize you’re feeling jealousy, you can then start working on changing the thought that creates that jealousy.
We often want to convince ourselves that being jealous is showing the other person that we care. I had a girlfriend who got angry because I wasn’t getting jealous that she was talking to some other guy. She kept getting angry about it until she realized that I trusted her completely. If I didn’t trust her, then there is a good chance that I would have gotten a bit jealous. And much like my wife now I trust her completely and totally because I know she’s not going to run off with another man.
When you can calm a jealous mind, you then can calm yourself and start to see exactly how foolish jealousy can truly be. Why you do not want to put your emotional well-being into a stranger simply because that stranger was talking to your woman?
What if your wife is the jealous one?
If your wife is the jealous one, then the way you approach this circumstance is through empathy. Now empathy is different than sympathy. Sympathy is where you’re trying to fix the problem. Us men know a lot about trying to fix a problem, and not being able to. But when you are empathizing with your wife about her emotions, you acknowledge that she is feeling what she is feeling.
You don’t need to try to change what she’s feeling. You can even set healthy boundaries about what she’s doing. Yet, if you do this, you have to be able to uphold that boundary.
As with all jealousy, it is a lack of trust that is involved. So there is a lot of talking that needs to be done so that you can help her have more trust in you. If it’s still becomes a problem, it may be that you have to recommend she get some professional help Because it may be that she is got some other problems going on.
As a whole, you don’t have to let the circumstances of her emotions affect you. You can be there for her and help her through the problems that she is facing. This helps build different levels of intimacy in your relationship too.
