Embracing Life’s Challenges: Why Men Benefit from Facing Pain – EP 193

Pain is a part of life

• Motivates you
• Gives you something to celebrate?
• Can help you see your objective better
• You don’t get the satisfaction simply because you experienced the pain
  • Mothers giving birth
  • Soldiers and Boot camp
  • Entrepreneurs and seeing their business succeed

What do you see pain as?

• Actually painful
• Discomfort
• Irritation
• inconvenience
• Embarrassing
• Horrible

What is pain actually?

• fear of the unknown
• A means to learn more about what you are able to do
  • Weight lifting
  • Any training
• Pain is failing at something you are learning about.

Why are you resisting pain?

• Which is actually better?
  • the feeling you would have from success?
  • Knowing that you didn’t get laughed at?
• Which is worse?
  • Looking back and seeing that your dream could have turned out
  • Having people laugh at you for a week?

Resisting that discomfort keeps you from reaching your goal. We want to be safe in our cave. Yet, our cave could have a bear in it, or a vampire bat.

Story of the Parabolic Reflector Cookie

In this episode of The Relaxed Male, I discuss the topic of pain and why people have a tendency to avoid it. I share my own struggles with avoiding pain, using the example of neglecting my yard work due to excuses like podcasting and the hot weather. I question why people avoid pain when it is an inevitable part of life and emphasize that pain can be beneficial in motivating action and bringing about positive change. I use examples such as paying bills to avoid the pain of living without electricity and the fear of experiencing withdrawal symptoms for someone with addiction. I also highlight how pain can be a motivator for starting a business and taking responsibility for one’s financial situation. I emphasize that we need to take responsibility for our own choices and the consequences that come with them.

It’s our decision to work for someone else, and that means they have control over our pay. Sometimes the agreed-upon price doesn’t work out in our favor, but that’s just how life goes. If we want to achieve our goals, we can’t blame our employer. We need to take ownership and find ways to generate the value we need. This process involves experiencing pain and discomfort, which motivates us to work harder. Pain is a perception that creates an unpleasant feeling, but it pushes us to push past our limits. When we overcome the challenges and reach our objectives, we have reasons to celebrate and feel proud of ourselves.

Pain also helps us gain clarity on our goals. Each failure and moment of discomfort allows us to learn and adjust our strategies. We understand that reaching high heights requires us to explore different paths, whether that means going above, below, around, or even with the help of others. Pain is necessary for personal growth and satisfaction. As we go through life, we experience various stages of growth and development. In the military, there are graduations and milestones, like transitioning from a trainee to a full-fledged soldier.

Entrepreneurs also endure hardship and sacrifice as they build their businesses. These experiences can be painful, but they shape us and bring a sense of satisfaction. Many people have a fear of pain and avoid discomfort, but pain comes in different forms. It can be physical, like stepping on a nail, or it can be emotional, like the embarrassment of a failed client interaction. Both types of pain are processed in the same part of our brains. So, what are we actually afraid of when we avoid pain?

Sometimes, pain is necessary to achieve our goals. Just like a skater wearing extra layers of underwear before attempting a dangerous trick, we may need to endure discomfort in order to reach success. Whether it’s the discomfort of cold weather, interacting with new people, or waiting in line instead of using self-checkout, these experiences can lead us to better outcomes. Would we be willing to endure temporary irritation for long-term gains? Pain should not hold us back from pursuing our dreams or making changes.

Physical harm is unlikely to result from starting a business or accepting a divorce. We often worry about things that are unlikely to happen, keeping ourselves up at night with unnecessary fear. So, instead of avoiding pain, we should embrace it as a necessary part of growth and progress. By pushing through discomfort and enduring temporary hardships, we can achieve the life we desire. So, what is pain actually? Pain is a fear of the unknown, specifically the fear of physical pain. It’s unavoidable, especially if you have kids and end up stepping on Legos or other sharp objects. Pain is a way to learn what you are capable of, like lifting weights and pushing your muscles to the point of tearing.

It can also be the discomfort and humility that comes with failure or being out of your comfort zone. However, the satisfaction and reward of overcoming pain and achieving your goals are worth it in the end. People may laugh or doubt you along the way, but their laughter often stems from their own fear and lack of courage to pursue their own dreams. Ultimately, pain is just a stepping stone on the path to success. I used to love going to the playground area that had various tubes and interactive learning activities.

One of my favorite experiences was sitting in a swivel chair with a spinning bicycle wheel attached to it. When the wheel reached full speed, I would try to turn but couldn’t. Instead, I would start spinning in the chair uncontrollably. There were other cool things too, like sticking your hands in gooey substances and a parabolic reflector that created holograms. I was always too afraid to put my hand inside, fearing that a cookie monster would grab it. But despite my fears, growing up as a Gen Xer allowed me to have amazing experiences and try new things. I would spend days at the playground, and even when I was left alone at home, I would have epic Star Wars adventures with my Millennium Falcon toy. I didn’t let fear stop me from enjoying life and taking risks.

I believe that today’s younger generation should embrace that fearlessness and realize that what they’re afraid of is nothing to be scared of. In this part of the podcast, I discuss the fear of emotions and how I want to help listeners overcome it. I encourage them to embrace the beauty that lies beyond their fears and challenges. Divorce is used as an example, indicating that it can be a tough experience but also an opportunity for personal growth. I emphasize the importance of working on the mind, body, and soul, as well as building strong friendships.

If listeners are interested in taking the next step, they can schedule a consulting call through the provided link. I mention that willingness to step out of one’s comfort zone is crucial for our collaboration, but even those who are more hesitant may still find potential in themselves. I also share that the podcast offers a wealth of resources, such as blog posts and over 660 episodes, to support personal development.

Listeners are encouraged to share the podcast with others who may benefit from it, and I express the belief that society needs men who embrace their masculinity and live purposeful lives. I sign off by expressing my love and hoping to connect with listeners again in the following week. 

00:00:00 The Purpose of Pain in Our Lives
00:00:41 Helping men overcome suffering and find fulfillment
00:03:10 Understanding the role of pain as a motivator and teacher
00:10:25 Embracing Failure for Clarity in Objectives
00:12:56 Reflecting on Bootcamp and Fondly Remembering the Challenges
00:19:58 The Game of Jacks
00:23:02 Overcoming Fear of Failure and Embracing Pain
00:26:50 Childhood Fears and Imaginary Adventures
00:29:10 Growing Up as a Gen Xer
00:31:33 Overcoming Fear and Embracing Life
00:33:34 Embracing Your Comfort Zone for Personal Growth
00:35:04 Spreading the Message of Positive Masculinity