When we have disagreements we often get defensive. We unfriend people on social media. There are heated words thrown about and emotions get involved. Logical thoughts in our heads actually turn off, and we just fall back on talking points. This happens in social media, our civic leaders, celebrities, and in our families.
We start just throwing thoughts around without actually understanding why the other person has their thoughts in the first place. We instantly assume that they are some gender-confused crack pot woke dude or the opposite that they are a god-fearing racist sexist bigoted homophobe conservative.
We don’t stoop to ask why they think what they think. Now some folks may believe that they already understand they are crazy! They very well may be or maybe you are the one whose thoughts are out of alignment. Who knows?
Seek first to understand before being understood
Stephen Covey
Do you try to understand before you interject your thoughts? Do you actually listen and ask questions or just looking for a place to inject your thought? This works for your wife too. She may be wanting to share her day with you and you are just throwing in ways to fix her problem? Because you are anxious that your wife had a bad day you want to fix her so you can feel better, but you aren’t helping her at all. You are going off of your own thoughts.
What would happen if you just asked questions? what if you just got curious about her day and her interactions that she is just going on about? You might have a better understanding of who your wife really is.
Be curious
We are often too busy wanting to say what we believe and we don’t look to fully understand the other person. The video this week has a great sentence and question you might want to ask instead of getting al indignant or outraged over one persons view ask the following
I never saw it that way. Could you help me see what you see?
Now pay attention to the thoughts you are having over simply asking this question. I know I saw a lot of drama in my head when I first heard this. Then I asked myself, do I really believe what my mind was saying? No of course not. Why not find out why your wife is mad. Why does she think you don’t listen? When did you fail to do what you said you would do? What is she making it mean in her mind when you say one thing and do the other. Getting curious about why your wife is mad at you can actually help resolve the problem, but you will have to be ok with the anxious feelings you will have while she is pissed at what you said.
