How do you rekindle the flame? Many times after several years the relationship can and does falter. We have had fights and arguments and we have snapped at each other that eventually you are just living in the same house with a woman you used to have great sex with. You start to wonder where did the passion go? So you try to show backup as if another happened between today and 15 years ago. Would you believe that she rebuffed you? Hard to fathom I know but she shot you down faster than a World War Two anti-aircraft gunner.
How do you rekindle your marriage? What does it take to get her to know you want the young vixen you married back?
Start with honesty with yourself and your Wife.
You can rekindle a marriage and as long as you are committed to taking the needed steps and you are not worried about how long it takes you will get there. You will make the needed changes in yourself to reignite that flame in the marriage. The biggest step is to first own up to your part of the situation. Be honest with you and her not just factually but emotionally. Yes, I do say you don’t need to emotionally dump all over your wife, and I still hold on to that. Yet as a means of opening up the conversation, you do have to share your thoughts and feelings of the circumstance at hand.
Start making thoughtful gestures
Start dating your wife once more. Yeah, it will feel odd and like you are a fish out of water but why are you doing this? To get your wife back. You have to restart dating your wife again. Go through all the steps you went through before. The flowers and presents and trips to the fair. Kissing on the Ferris wheel. All that and more. You have to show her that you are willing to make her your girlfriend again fully.
You do have one advantage over your younger self. That is you know you wife much much better now than you did back then. You can start showing her gestures of how much she cares. You won’t be able to have her feel how much you love her. Only you can feel that. However, you will be able to show her how much you love her.
Think Love Languages
Gary Chapman talks about the 5 love languages of Acts of Service, Physical Contact, Words of affirmation, Gifts, and Quality Time. Do you know your love language? how about your wife? There is a quiz you can take that will tell you or your wife’s Love languages. When you find out what her language is then you can start learning how to speak her language. If it is quality time then walking with her. Going out with her and other such activities will be a good start. Try to make all the gestures you give to be as positive as possible.
Get and stay curious
Another way to learn more about your wife and to build trust and connection with her is to ask questions. and talk. Well actually I will make it easy, you won’t have to do much talking. You will just have to ask questions about her experiences. This is one of the most important parts aspects of a relationship, being curious about each other. take the time to learn and understand where they are coming from. marvel in the wonder and fascination of your spouse’s journey. There is still so much you don’t know about them.
If you are short on questions to ask I have a huge list of 800 questions you can ask your spouse ranging from expectations to intimacy. If you are interested request the free PDF
Pay attention to the thoughts you are having
As you tryu. something pay particular attention to the thoughts you are saying to yourself. She is going to think it is dumb. This is stupid, I look like a fool. this will never work. These are all thoughts that you are having none of them are true.
Also, remember that your thoughts create your feelings. Those feelings motivate your actions and your actions lead to your results. So if you want to have a particular result then pay attention to your thoughts.
Let your wife win the mental arguments
There are times that you will find yourself bored and you will start to have a mental argument with your wife. It will be about some time that you are upset with her or you will have thoughts about how you believe she would react if you did something. Many times during these mental fights we will just excoriate your wife and show her every way we are right.
The problem is that we do this and it doesn’t build respect for our wife. It actually builds animosity towards her. Again pay attention to the thoughts you have. What actually helps with the connection and rekindling of the passion and flame is letting her win in the mental fights. I know it sounds weird and I was the same way. Till I started letting her win in the mental fights and I noticed that our fights decreased.
How do you want to show up for the marriage?
This is the big question for you. How do you want to show up? What does that look like? Imagine it in full technicolor detail. Let your imagination go full Imax. What does it look like? How about taste? Does it have a particular feel? Imagine every aspect or detail of what you want to marriage to be. Keep that idea. And start living it out. Yeah, you are going to fail but you get up and keep going.
Hug it out for 6 seconds 6 times a day
This is one suggestion from the book How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It. This is where 6 times a day you hug your spouse for 6 seconds. That equals out to be a 36-second hug each day. Doesn’t sound like a lot but it is what you are your spouse need to reconnect.
Hold hands
When you are out with your wife. Hold her hand. Off her an arm to hold on to. It isn’t much but it is the small gestures that are needed to build a huge outcome. That connection you need is thanks to you making small but thoughtful gestures to your wife.
Intimacy is a muscle for both parties
It gets to be a challenge to
Have a discussion Hour.
Keep trying
