One of the big problems many of us have is that when we’re starting something, we are not willing to try something new. We expect ourselves to be experts. If we’re not expert enough, then why even try? This is drastic. I cannot be a beginner. This is the fixed mindset that Carol Dweck talks about in her book Mindset.
You say we need to be beginners. It’s actually good for us to be beginners. But for whatever reason, we do not accept ourselves as beginners because our ego wants to get in the way.
Whether you want to start a new business or want to have a better relationship with your wife, accepting that you are a beginner at this phase of your journey will benefit you in many ways that you would not realize till you have experienced it.
Why do you want to be a beginner?
Why is it good to be a beginner? What benefits would you be able to provide anybody, If you don’t act like the expert you believe that people expect you to be?
The answer is actually quite a bit. When you accept that in whatever field you’re learning in right now, you are allowing yourself to take more lessons. Being a beginner is about learning. You are more open to learning and testing and actually even more accepting of those times when your tests don’t succeed. When you’re a beginner and you fail, you expect to fail and you’re more OK with that than if you expected yourself to be an expert and then you got everything wrong.
You are also more open to instruction from other people. When you are a beginner and someone comes in, who does know some more you’re gonna be more open to their instructions. They have a unique direction and insight you’re going to be more willing to receive those insights.
Your to-do list
So if you want to become the leader that you want to be the expert in the field, you want to go into. A stronger relationship with your wife makes you want to become a beginner and enter into the task of learning as a beginner. So there are a few things you do want to take into consideration as you become a beginner.
You will need to manage your thoughts.
Your mind will tell you that you’re doing it wrong. Maybe you are, maybe you aren’t but the problem that you’re right going to run into is that your mind wants you to give up. Your mind will tell you that it’s too hard that you’re doing it wrong or that what you were doing is stupid.
This is where managing your thoughts comes into play. Understand that what you’re telling yourself is just sentences in your mind. They’re not true. They’re not false. They’re just thoughts. Those thoughts create emotions, often anxiety, fear, uncertainty, and confusion, and such thoughts create actions, and those actions will result in you playing small so you want to manage what thoughts you’re having. Are those thoughts serving you or are those thoughts holding you back?
Relish the challenge
Believe it or not, we actually as human beings, like challenges. We like the novelty of trying something new and unexpected. Don’t believe me? Then why do we like presents so much? What happens when a child learns how to ride a bicycle for the first time? They are excited, they are ecstatic. They are all sorts of happy. They were enjoying the challenge of figuring out how to get on the bike, how to keep the bike upright, and move forward at the same time. So much is going on at that time when a child is learning how to ride a bike. When they actually succeed all the frustration, uncertainty, and fear I’ll get replaced with jubilant excitement.
If we generate a good feeling from a new experience, we often like to do that more often.
So to have a better experience, you need to pay attention to your thoughts and start learning how to relish the challenge. Saver the unknown that happens thanks to when you’re learning as a beginner.
Remain humble
Don’t let Mr. Ego get in the way of your learning. That ego will rob you of the beginner experience every single time. Your mind will tell you that you were doing things wrong and that people are making fun of you because you are learning you’re messing up and you’re doing it in a very messy way. But you have to be able to remain humble.
You have to be able to accept that you’re not going to do it right at the very beginning. Heck, halfway down the trip you’re still going to get it wrong from time to time. You’re gonna say the wrong thing to your wife, you’re gonna make those rookie mistakes. This is normal. This is part of learning this is why again it’s important to be humble when you’re a beginner.
Make a plan and be ok that is not going to work
We’re all gonna start with a plan on how we’re going to succeed in our challenge. We’re gonna try something else and it’s gonna fail. So make a plan but you need to be OK with the fact that Plant’s not gonna work.
Sadly, too many men throw in the towel because they make a plan and it falls to pieces. Mike Tyson famously said we all have a plan until we get punched in the face. Except that you’re going to get punched in the face multiple times but get back up every time.
Don’t compare
If you’re comparing yourself to somebody who has been in your field that you’re learning in, you’re already messing up. Comparison is often described as the thief of joy. It is also the thief of motivation. Because you’re gonna see somebody who’s in the same field, as you are, but they’ve been at the site for 10 years While you have been at it for three months. You’re going to wonder why you’re not at their level after doing it for only six months and they’ve been doing it for 10 years.
You are not those who you compare yourself with. They have been added longer than you, but also people advance at different speeds. You may pick up something that took the expert three years to figure out, but they’re gonna have stuff that they picked up real quick that it takes you four years to figure out.
You’re going to succeed in your own time. It gets frustrating, it gets aggravating because it’s not happening as fast as you wanted it to happen, but it is happening at the speed it needs to happen.
Focus on your body pillar.
One item that will help you on your journey is when you are feeling incredibly frustrated, irritated, or even starting to feel a bit burned out and focus on your body.
Get out, and do some walking. Exercise and fresh air will help you to improve your thought process. As you’re thinking of tactics and strategies and ideas on how to get ahead, always remember exercise is your best friend. It will remove the unwanted chemicals from your body and allow you to come up with fresher ideas.
What to accept
One thing you want to know when it comes to being a beginner and trying something new is that you need to accept several thoughts. Would you accept these thoughts, being a beginner becomes a little bit easier.
It’s going to be stressful.
Learning something new goes against your motivational triad. It’s not easy. It’s not efficient. It’s not pleasurable and there’s a lot of awkward and uncomfortable thoughts. When you go against all aspects of your motivational triad, you’re gonna find yourself stressing out about quite a bit in your life. You’re gonna wonder if you made the right decision. You’re gonna wonder if you are doing the right thing. You’re gonna wonder if you’re going to succeed or if you’re gonna completely fail. This again is just your thoughts trying to get you to play small. Do not reach for your goals. The uncertainty confusion and anxiety will cause a lot of stress in your life.
The key to this stress is to know that it will not kill you. You will get through this, and you will breathe a huge sigh of relief. But you cannot run from the stress. You have to embrace the discomfort that you’re going through. Do not run away from the fear because it’s not going to hurt you, but it is going to help you get what you are after.
It’s going to be awkward.
As with a kid learning to ride a bike, you’re gonna fall on your face a few times. You’re gonna try to ask your wife a probing question and it’s gonna come out wrong. You’re gonna try to ask a cheeky question to your wife and it’s gonna fall flat. Except the fact that you’re gonna do stuff and it’s gonna be a little weird. It’s gonna be a little awkward because you’re not used to doing it that way.
What happens though is that as you continue to do those actions time and time again, you get better. You become more comfortable with the questions the actions and the suggestions that you make.
You’re gonna be more sure of what to do next and eventually that awkwardness fades away and you don’t even look at the action as being new and awkward, you look at it as if it’s something that’s done. You have to have awkwardness to get to skill.
You are going to mess up so give yourself grace.
With that awkwardness and the steps it takes as you’re a beginner you’re going to mess up. So except that you’re going to mess up, except that you’re gonna fail, and accept that your ideas are going to turn out the way you thought they would.
Allow yourself some grace, allow that yeah you didn’t quite do it the way you thought it would turn out but you got a result now what can you do to get closer to the result you want? Remember as you try stuff and you mess up you learn what not to do. As you learn what not to do, you will figure out what you need to do to get The results you want and when that happens, you start building more confidence.
Good to know
Now there are some tips that are very good to know when it comes to being a beginner. These are often unexpected pieces of advice and insight that will help a beginner be a good beginner.
It’s not important that you are new or experienced.
Many times we look at the state of who we are and place a big label upon that. This falls into line with those who are beginners and they really want to identify as being a beginner kinda wanna let you know it’s not important. The fact that you are willing to allow yourself to learn is important, but the label of what you call yourself is not important at all. Nor is it important to say you’re an expert. It does not matter in the grand scheme of things.
Know that you do like exciting new experiences
As a child learning to ride their bicycle for the first time embraced the novelty of learning. Except for all the messiness that learning entails. Does that mean you’re always gonna get it right it doesn’t mean that you’re always gonna get it wrong just means that you are accepting of the fact that you are learning because you are a beginner.
Being a beginner can be exciting. Kids, they’re excited when they first go to kindergarten. Many kids are excited when they go to high school. Kids are excited when they go on their first date. You can be excited to learn something new too.
Mastery is boring
Except that it is going to take a while to master whatever it is you want to master. And to get there it is going to be a long boring trip. How often do you think of driving a car? I bet you don’t think about driving the car and what it entails nearly as much as your 16-year-old does. They find Driving to be very exciting. Well, mastery is not going to be exciting. It is boring. So in all truth being a beginner is a lot more exciting than it is to be a master of whatever it is you want to master.
There is more than one solution.
Finally, know that no matter what solution you take, Ammon knows that that is not the only solution. There are many solutions and answers to every problem. Users have to find one out of the many that work. So to find the right one just means you have to find one that works. So stop sweating the solution so much.
Now, if you’re having trouble stepping into the beginner phase of your goal, something you can do is try a free month of coaching. You can do so by going to relaxedmale.com/trycoaching.
