Avoiding the Divorce Burnout

Whether it is at work or other parts of your life. We face burnout when we are doing something that goes against what feeds our soul. Most of us feel burned out in two common places. Work and school. Ask any High school senior or a graduate school student. They can tell you exactly when they are fried to the max. Burnout happens in many different places outside of school and work. Burnout can occur at any time when you are not feeding your soul and having a clearly defined objective.

When we don’t have an objective and we aren’t being intentional in how we approach our divorce, our mind will want to keep filling our thoughts up with the negative. Our minds will automatically go to feeling overwhelmed and confused because that appears safer to your mind than trying to make steps towards the unknown. The more overwhelmed you feel the less you will do and before you know it you are out of your house and you are working just to get the opportunity to see your kids, much less try to put your life back together. With overwhelm and confusion, you are always pushed back onto your heels and you can’t keep your balance. So you are rushing from one fire to the next always hoping that you might catch a break. The break is when you learn how to manage your mind and approach your divorce in an emotional adulthood method.

What is Divorce Burnout?

Divorce burnout is just as it sounds. It is when you burn out through all the garbage that is thrown at you through your divorce. This is often a tactic used so that one side will eventually just want it to end and will agree with whatever the other side offers up. THis is one reason it is good to have a lawyer right from the start. Lawyers are the shields from all that is flung your way.

Divorce burnout has all the same elements as work burnout. There is disconnect and cynicism, You develop apathy and disconnection.

Overwhelm

As mentioned before there is a lot of overwhelm when it comes to divorce. You aren’t going through your divorce with the intention that you will find yourself in the bog of wondering when the next shoe is going to fall. You start losing sight of what is coming at you and when it is coming at you will just accept it. All because you are tired of the pain. Tired of the fighting. Tired of what it is doing to your kids? You are questioning your ability to read people how could the woman you love be acting like this? It is a lot and without the proper people around you you will lose sight and the resistance to the divorce will become so great that you will give up.

Disconnect

When you are burned out you stop doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. That includes having meaningful and intentional interactions with other people. You start withholding and you live life on a smaller scale because who are you to try to have a good life? Maybe your ex-wife is right and you are all other horrible things she calls you now. This is when divorce burnout can get rough and start trending into depression.

All that is because you are resisting the divorce. That resisting is where the pressure is coming from. You are anxiously trying to appease get the other side to start treating you like they did before the divorce. You want things to go back as they were which just shows how you are resisting the force that you have control over.

Why would I want This Divorce?

I am not saying you are wanting it. You can allow the divorce to proceed and not want it to happen at the same time. I understand it isn’t making much sense to you. How can someone not want something but allow it to happen? I don’t want to be a victim yet here you are being victimized. This is the overwhelm I was talking about.

We have the ability to control two things in our life. Those things are our thoughts and our actions. If your wife wants a divorce, you actually can’t stop her. You can talk with her maybe you can convince her to change her mind, but you can’t make her even listen.

Therefore, you can either go with what the circumstances are, or you can resist and you can fight back and you can do whatever you can to get your wife to stop. What you’re doing in that instance, though, is resisting the truth. The truth is that your wife doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Yes, it’s heartbreaking. There is emotions in which you are confronted with on an hourly to daily basis.

You can have the thought of my life is over because my wife wants a divorce or you can change that thought. You can have a limiting thought or you could have a limitless thought. The thoughts can either create suffering, or thoughts, Conservancy. Now I don’t know which thought is going to serve you, or which stock is not going to serve you. That choice is yours.

Yes, that choice is yours. You have a choice as to how you’re going to show up for that circumstance. You have a choice as to whether you want to be miserable through the whole circumstance, or you can embrace the change and wish your wife well in her in her next step.

Your ex-wife is going to have her own set of emotions. She’s going to have her own thoughts about the circumstances. She’s going to wonder what you’re up to if you’re in a good mood and you’re not phased by her threats and her actions. You can give her that power, or you can take that power for yourself.

How do you avoid burnout while going through Divorce?

Avoiding burnout, while going through a divorce is much like avoiding burnout at work. You have to be able to learn to step back. You have to know how to read. You have to be able to control your thoughts and your emotions. Remember your thoughts create your emotions your emotions create your actions, and your actions create a result. Therefore, your thoughts create your results. Do you want a divorce that goes relatively smoothly? Or do you want scorched Earth so nobody survives through this whole endeavor? Do you want your kids damaged? Because you’re wanting to get back at your ex-wife?

You have a choice you can be burnt out. You can be distant. From your kids. You can play the victim all you want. You can raise your wife to the bottom if that’s your choice. But know that burnout and the effects that burn out halves on your body that on your mind is there because you chose for them to be there.

So, let’s say you have decided you don’t want to be burned out. You have more work to do because as mentioned earlier, you have two things you can control your thoughts and your actions, so what needs to be changed?

Work on Your 4 pillars

The thing that needs to be changed is you. That’s all you can change. The best place to start is going to be with the four pillars of a Relaxed male.

Man’s Mind

One thing you can do at anytime day or night is improve your mind. That means you stop giving the excuse that you’re not a reader. You stop giving the excuse that you fall asleep after two pages. You start embracing the joys of learning. You start liking the changes you make in your life because you are learning. Learning allows you to discover new parts that you never even knew about.

You do this by reading. Reading books that interest you and provide value. Yes fiction books are OK, But non-fiction helps you grow. Also, find podcasts that meet the questions that you’re after. How do you become a better communicator? Start reading books, listening to podcasts attend Community classes on what you want to know.

Man’s Body

Want to change your attitude really fast? Start doing some physical exercise. You’re gonna start getting the blood flowing through your body again you’re gonna start changing your attitude strictly because you’re out in the sun a lot more than you were before. Yeah, it may be summer it may be winter, but those temperature extremes are just another reason why you like getting into shape.

Working out and eating right are crucial to changing your mindset. Yes, you want to be changing who you are. To do that you have to make yourself healthier.

You are also showing yourself what is possible. You’re giving yourself evidence that you can do hard things. This is something we as men, forget about because we want an easy life. Stop taking it easy and start getting comfortable with an uncomfortable life. That way you can grow.

Man’s Soul

What stirs you up, in a good way? What do you like to talk about? Do you know what your passion is?

A man’s soul is his passion what keeps him up at night or is he doing something that causes him to lose a sense of time? One more minute is a favorite phrase for a man whose feeding his soul.

If you do not know what your passion is? If not, then find that why. Find what gets you out of bed in the morning. This is what will save your mind when your divorce is getting really hectic. You need to find your reason. Why do you get out of bed every morning? When you have that, your wife can do everything possible and not phase you.

Finding you passion maybe your passion at the start. Follow it with gusto. What are you interested in? Examine it. Put some money into it. Does the excitement fizzle out? Then go find something else in that vein and keep exploring. The more you explore the closer to the truth you will get and when you find it you will know.

Man’s Community

This is your anchor in the storm. The man’s community is where men find their solace. It is thanks to the other man in your community that will bring you solace and insight into your world. You need other men, other noble, masculine men in your life to help you keep you grounded.

They will take all the negative and turn it into positive. Help you see that no you aren’t as crazy as you are being led to believe.

Don’t have any friends? Then go out and start finding them. You need these men as much as these men need you. Man‘s community is a symbiotic relationship. You each are helping each other become better. you will become faster, and become stronger. You need these men in your life so go out start finding them do it with intention, and you’ll find the right man.

Work on your thoughts

Now this is something that helps you with your emotional being. This is looking at your thoughts and examining what you are thinking. Thoughts create your emotions. Your emotions are what cause you to take strange actions. We react to our emotions instead of responding with our emotions. How do you take control of your emotions? You examine your thoughts.

Thought download

A great way to examine your thoughts is by doing what’s called a thought download. A thought download is easy to do. All you need is a pen and a piece of paper that’s it, well, and you.

At the top of the paper write your circumstance. Remember that a circumstance is just a fact. It doesn’t contain any adjectives or qualifiers. It is just the facts. Anything else is a thought.

Now go to writing one sentences thoughts on that circumstance. Write until you can’t think of any more thoughts.

Once you have exhausted your thoughts on that circumstance, start looking at what you wrote not while you are writing but after you are finished writing.

Starting out, ask yourself questions about those thoughts. For instance, is that true.? Does that thought serve me? Do I like this thought?

You can get rid of any thought you decide you don’t want. You can choose any that you want to keep. You have all the power.

Those thoughts you want to change how do you want to change those thoughts? What do you want to change those thoughts to?

Have the objective in mind

Another point that will help you keep your eye on the ball when it comes to your divorce and to avoid divorce burnout is to name your objective.

What do you want that objective to be? Look at all the details examine and describe how you wanna feel and make that your goal how do you get to that girl? I don’t know no one knows except for you and it takes a lot of trial and error to get to the finished results.

Start with any journey with the end in mind. How do you want to achieve your goal looking at that goal by looking at how you want your life to be once you are divorced. Do you want to be angry, bitter, and a victim? Or do you want to be a man who takes action and achieves his goal? This is also within your power.

If you want help to get your goal achieved and see how wonderful your future could turn out then see about taking the next step in your journey and get coached.