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HomeRelaxed Male BlogThe 4 PillarsMan’s CommunityFamily BalanceRelationshipsMarriageA Husband’s Guide to Rekindling the Romantic Spark

A Husband’s Guide to Rekindling the Romantic Spark

Sometime after several years, you’ll start to notice that the romantic spark that you and the wife had has dimmed down a bit. Doesn’t mean that there’s any problem in the relationship. However, the long nights of just talking and staring longingly into each other‘s eyes just don’t happen like they used to.

Maybe you realized you’re deep in the roommate syndrome. You’re trying to find a way out of this predicament. You may find that you’re struggling to come up with some way of revitalizing the romance in your life. Can you even bring that spark back? The answer to that is yes, and you can do it and have fun. In fact, I recommend that it be fun. Romance and passion shouldn’t be boring.

So, how do you bring the romance back into a relationship that has started to cool down?

Be intentional 

The first thing you have to do to have a more romantic relationship is to start paying attention to what you’re doing. Going through life unintentionally is what got you to where you are now. Because you haven’t been paying attention to your actions or your thoughts about those actions, You are now struggling to regain that attention from your wife. After many years of just floating through life, it can be a challenge to live intentionally. However, it is possible.

Think of Her

One of the biggest exercises you can do to expand the romantic relationship between you and your wife is to think of her. Now write down all of the reasons you love her. Keep writing for 15 minutes. Every reason you can think of as to why you’re grateful that your wife is your wife. Make another list of all the things you’ve heard her mention that she would like to do. This makes it tough to draw off of the top of your head because sadly we weren’t paying attention. But once you start making this an important aspect of your relationship. You will start writing down everything that she says she would like to do one day.

Once you have these lists all written out, you’ll be able to use them in many interesting ways that will help keep her guessing.

How do you want to be romanced?

Now romancing your wife is one thing. But don’t forget while y’all are talking about how you can be romanced. Yes, guys time to fess up we like to be romanced from time to time too. We like to have our wives pay attention to us even for an hour. Granted it would be nice if it was with sex, but it doesn’t have to be. Many times just doing something and having an experience together will help build that connection again.

So write down how you would like to be romanced and share those thoughts and ideas with her. Then if she wants to do something with that great, that’s awesome. However, if she doesn’t do anything with it, that’s OK too.

Talk

Now the easiest way to romance, your wife is to do the one thing y’all don’t do near enough of. That is just talk. Not about the kids, not about the bills that need to be paid, but talk about what you want to accomplish in the future. Listen to what she wants to accomplish in the future. What are some things you would like to do with her by your side? Then explain why.

Also, take the time to just listen to what she has to say about her day. That is almost the sexiest thing you can do. Be the guy who can just sit there and listen to what’s going on in the wife’s day. Why is that? That is because women talk about their day as a form of bonding with their girlfriends. When they can talk, complain, and share about their day with another person that is them showing the other person that they care. So when you’re able to tell your wife about your day and she can share all about her day with you, you are building, strong intimate connection connections that will allow and accept more romance into your life.

Something else you can do if you’re struggling to form topics for discussion is download a list of questions and then pick one. If you’re struggling with finding some good questions I have a list of 800 questions you could choose from all broken down into different topics that you could share

Need help? 

Be Cheesy 

One thing as guys struggle with many times is when we’re coming up with dates or trying to find ways to romance our wife, we don’t want to appear too cheesy. My question is, why? What’s wrong with being cheesy? Are you too proud to be cheesy for your wife? Are you too serious to laugh? If so, did you need to do some super cheesy date ideas? Do some super cheesy romancing your wife ideas.

Not sure what to do here are five extra cheesy ideas for you to use tonight.

Love notes

You know that list of reasons why you love your wife? Pick one and write about it. You don’t have to worry about writing a 10,000-word essay or anything like that. But why do you love the color of her eyes? What is it about her smile that melts your heart? Why is the sound of her laughter, the most genuine sound of joy you’ve ever heard? Write that down on a piece of notebook paper, and then set it on her nightstand. It’s that easy. 

Your mind will come up with as many excuses as to why you don’t wanna do that. Ignore every single one of them and think of you and your desire to romance your wife. Do the silly stuff. Be retarded for her like you used to be. 

Then don’t do just one but start leaving these little love notes all over the place a little area that you know she will find in her makeup drawer in the coffee pot in her favorite coffee mug in her purse in her wallet with her sunglasses in the car Under her pillow in the shoe in her shoe in the pots in the pans, there are a lot of places that you could put just a little quick love note just letting her know why she is special in your eyes.

If you’re creative, maybe you could do some poetry. And it doesn’t have to be some complex pentameter. It could be something as simple as…

Roses are red 

I could run a mile 

my heart melts 

when I see you smile

See I’m still riding. I didn’t burst into flames by creating a cheesy little poem. So man for your wife for the marriage start becoming breaking the new needle cheesy.

Flowers

Now flowers at times get a bit of a bad rap. This is because many women have been told the only time men buy flowers is when they’ve done something wrong. Your wife maybe this way. The fun thing is is you can let her wonder what you did wrong as you keep bringing her flowers regularly. Doesn’t have to be grand expensive bouquets either. It could be a single rose or maybe her favorite flower is a daisy. Maybe as you’re walking around you see a little flower growing in between the cracks of the sidewalk. Take a picture of it and text it to her with your thoughts.

Yes, there are supposed to be all these hidden meanings behind the types of flowers. But I can guarantee you your wife doesn’t care about those “hidden meanings”.

Sing a song

Have you ever sung to your wife? In the 80s we used to have recording Studios in the mall. This was before karaoke got big, but it was the same thing. Except you got to keep your song because it was recorded to a cassette tape. Often we would choose really cheesy love songs, many guys love to choose Wind Beneath Their Wings or something like that. But we would share with our girlfriend that tape. Now we barely even have malls anymore much less recording studios, but what is a love song you like to hear? While it’s playing sing it to her. Yeah, you’re gonna get giggles and eye rolls while you’re saying it but dance ham it up, man. This is you having fun and sharing a laugh with your wife.

You might do the same thing with your wife’s favorite love song. You might find that it has a little bit, maybe not much of a difference.

Buy a stuffed animal

When was the last time you bought your wife a stuffed animal? Now if you have kids are probably going to run off with it after you give it to her, but that’s OK. It’s the thought that counts.

If you think back to Win, you and your wife were dating, you probably bought her a stuffed animal or two for Valentine’s Day. What’s keeping you from buying a teddy bear for your wife just because? It’s the intentional thought of how you’re going to have a better relationship with your wife because you’re being romantic. Even if it is silly teenager stuff the fact that you are trying says a lot.

Random call just to say I love you

When was the last time you called your wife up and just said I love you? When we were in the depths of roommate syndrome that’s probably been a long time when it was just said randomly. Because even with roommate syndrome often before going to bed, someone will say I love you.

Now some people may be nervous to just call their wife in the middle of the day because she’s working. That’s OK that’s why phones also have text messages. Phones also have answering services. So you could leave a romantic message for your wife to listen to at a later date. But if you’re too nervous that she would get mad at a voicemail message, then text her.

It is the act of professing your love to your wife that is the purpose.

Ask her on a date

What did y’all like to do when y’all were younger? A great question to start basing a lot of dates on. How can you re-create those dates? Because I get how it can be a challenge, especially if you have kids at home still. You might be a lot like me and my wife were, where we didn’t go out all that often. If we did go out, the kids came with us. This is because we didn’t wanna bother other people, but there were also times that we lived in places where we didn’t know anybody. Since we didn’t know any babysitters, we couldn’t just leave the kids behind so they came with us. And there are ways that you can do dates and still have the kids with You And it still be as intimate as if y’all were dating for the first time. Yeah, it may lack a bit of the more friskiness. That part will show up in due time. Right now you’re back to dating your wife and keeping the sense of romance alive.

Keep your 4 pillars strong

Your wife fell in love with you when you’re four pillars of a Relaxed Male were strong. You were learning things you were applying what you had learned you weren’t afraid to try new things. You were in shape. You knew where you wanted to go in life. And you had a group of guys that you hung out with.

Your mind, body soul, and community still need to be strong. You become a better man when you’re learning new things for instance you’re listening to the relaxed male podcast and you’re reading this blog post. You haven’t quenched your curiosity yet.

You are getting yourself back in shape or you’ve never been out of shape. You’re doing stuff to ensure that you are around for the long haul. Your exercising. You’re walking. You’re getting outdoors. You’re not eating junk food all the time. You’re eating meats and vegetables while limiting the amount of sugar you take in. 

You have a passion in your life. You have a dream that you are pursuing. You have goals that you want to reach. And you are ensuring that you try to reach those if not daily at least weekly. Your passion for life is a light that attracts not only your wife to you but other people.

You have strong connected friends who you meet and talk to regularly. You’re trying to make sure you incorporate them into your lives and they do the same thing. When was the last time you went on a guys-only trip for a week? If it wasn’t within the last year, that’s too long. 

We need strong noble men in our lives. These are guys who will push us to achieve our goals. They are interested in how well we are doing. And they gave examples of how to be good men to the rest of the group. Do you have these four pillars in your life? No, then strengthen them and you’ll start seeing your wife’s attitude change. 

Plan for spontaneous adventures 

When was the last time you and the wife just took off and went somewhere? Was it before the kids were born? Most guys would answer yes sadly. We used to go on trips spur the moment, however, now that we have bills and other obligations in our lives, the adventure of spontaneity has taken a back seat.

So what would it be like if you were to go to a local museum? Why? Because it’s there. Try to spice things up with an adventure that you’ve planned yourself. Something you can take the wife and the kids on.

Get out of y’all’s comfort zone

When was the last time you and the wife tried something you weren’t very sure about? What if you started trying to do something that was out of y’all‘s comfort zone? You might find that interesting opportunities arise when you get out of the routine world of the hum drum mediocre mediocrity that is our current life

So try something slightly scary, challenging each other to do something new, and see where that experience takes you

Never put her as the butt of the joke

Now one of the biggest ways to diminish, the sense of romance is to have your wife, be the butt of your joke. When you have her as the recipient of jokes on her, you’re not building a connection as much as you’re taking away some trust. 

Now I understand not all people are like that some couples thrive off of having practical jokes pulled on each other. And practical jokes are a little different than making a person the butt of a joke. Being the object of sarcasm is a trust-destroying act also. Sarcasm is essentially a poison for relationships and highly recommend trying to stay away from that as much as possible.

Show her all the respect

A lot of guys will say I show my wife all the respect I can. Yet there are times that you may step back and realize that you have some humdinger of some mental fights with your wife mental fights are those times when you have an unfinished argument with your spouse and you are just being ruthlessly Hard on her. If you’re doing this, and you are, in your mind, just intellectually destroying her. You’re showing that you don’t have as much respect as you claim. 

Try letting her win in those mental arguments. Then see how you respond to your wife in real life. You will see an increase in respect for her and her thoughts and her decisions.

Start looking at how many different ways you can show her respect. Because when you do there is this thing called the law of reciprocity and she will be compelled to start respecting you back. This is one reason why this 100/0 principle works so well. 

When you start actively showing your wife, more respect, she will be more open to more romance from you. This is because you respected her tremendously back when y’all first started dating.

There are a lot of different ways that you can bring the spark back to a relationship. You can bring in the romance and kindle that flame back into what it was when y’all were young including what was listed above, but also actively flirt with your wife and do more than just that Have an active intentional relationship with your wife and see how she opens up to that attention. You might just see that a lot more develops as you go through the art of romancing your wife all over again.

The Next Step

You can by taking the next step. You can have a relationship that is fun, loving, and fulfilling. You can have late nights of curiosity-fueled talks. All this is possible when you get coached.

Right now I am making a very special offer that will only last for a limited time. If you are interested in Getting coached for 95% off Then sign up quickly cause the space is limited and they are filling fast.

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The Relaxed Male

The Relaxed Male
Bryan Goodwin

The Relaxed Male is a podcast that helps men find their purpose and learn to breathe. We offer solutions for when life gets tough. Whether it’s divorce or just the stress of everyday life, we can help you get back on your feet and be the man you want to be. You deserve more than what society tells us we should do as men. Be the father your children need, be the partner your spouse needs, and most importantly – be yourself! This all starts with you getting out of your own way and deciding how you are going to live life.