Now you’ve heard me say many times that putting somebody on a pedestal leads to nothing but trouble. We’ve talked about how pedestals cause more relational harm than good. That many times our own suffering comes from the fact that we’ve put somebody on a pedestal only for them to fall off. Then we act hurt and betrayed, because they didn’t meet our lofty vision that we had set for them.
You see, we often want to believe we are doing the person we idolize a colossal favor by idolizing them. Yes, there are narcissists who love to be idolized, but they also have no problem stepping off their pedestal just to watch you crumble. Most people don’t want to be on that pedestal, though. Pedestals are uncomfortable, stressful, and they limit the person from being able to be a complete human.
That is because, as humans, we fail often. We will say something wrong. We will back down on a fight. We may see someone who we realize looks at somebody else, and we want them to cast their gaze upon you. It’s hard to live up to another person‘s expectations. Especially since expectations are rarely ever voiced.
Here are seven people whom we commonly put on a pedestal and then act shocked when they fall off.
Dad, when we were kids
Let’s start with the first person that seems idolized and then somewhere along the way becomes the root of much of our pain. That person is the man who is trying his hardest to do right for his family. Yet, as mentioned before, he is human and so he falls short of being the perfect man.
That man is your dad. When you are in kindergarten, first grade, 2nd grade, 3rd grade, many of us grew up talking about whose dad could beat up whose dad. We all thought our dad was the biggest, strongest, toughest. Some kids had really cool ads that were fireman or policeman or something to that effect, but no matter what it was.
We all had a Dad we looked up to. As boys, our dad was our God for a very long time. His big, deep, booming voice will often startle us as if it’s thunder. As we grow up, we often look to our dad for confirmation as to whether or not we are good enough. We desperately seek approval from our dads.
Then, somewhere along the way, dad lets us down. We see dad as being human and that he is flawed with his many faults. We start to blame him for our problems. We all have some form of Dad baggage that we carry with us. Why do you ask? Because we never reconcile the fact that our dad is human. We still believe him to be this great, mighty, powerful being that saves us from everything but yet he doesn’t. He has his own fears and his own regrets. His own torment that he is fighting himself
Yet, as with everybody who puts somebody on a pedestal, they put them on a pedestal for their own selfish reasons. And your dad being on the pedestal is no different. We do want our dad to tell us that we’re good enough. And sadly, we never voiced that to our dads. And then, as we go about our adult life, we act as if we are wounded little children because we didn’t get what we wanted from our dad. Yet did you actually voice your needs to your dad? And if so, and he didn’t fulfill it again, that’s your dad being a human. And hence he fell off that pedestal, doing the best that he can with what he has.
Our mother in her saintliness
Another person that we often put on a pedestal and still turns around and hurts us almost as much, but not quite as much as Dad, is our dear Saintly mother. This is the first woman that we meet and dotes on us. She serves us food. She kisses our boo-boos. She shows us compassion and empathy.
Yet in today’s society, many moms try to take on too many positions and then wonder why they fail, and when they fail, the Fallout lands on their kids’ heads. Yes, moms have all the same faults that Dad has. Has the potential to even have dad’s faults. Mom may do her own form. Actions like overdrinking, overeating, or losing herself in television. Much like Dad, they don’t do this stuff because they don’t love you; they act this way because they have their own pains and suffering that they’re running away from.
Yes, your mom is doing the best she can with the thoughts and emotions that have served her in the past. She wants to be happy and full of energy to show you the life that is as great, grand, and beautiful as she dreams to be, yet she is human, and she has failed.
What do you make this failure mean? Many think that mom wasn’t there for enough. They also may think that mom was selfish or didn’t care for them. They may think that all women are hurtful towards their kids. He’s a thought that results from seeing our mom fall off that pedestal.
The pedestal is just as dangerous for an angel of a mother as it is for the strongest dad there is out there.
Sports heroes
Now we have seen many sports heroes take a nose dive off very high pillars. Some have broken the law and found themselves in legal problems, while others did not even acknowledge their fans were around.
Now sports heroes are often seen as these great and powerful men. They go to battle on fields and courts on a regular basis, and they team up with others of equal stature and perform grand battles for their fans to see. Yet once the dust is settled, and the pads have been put away. These men and women who have extraordinary athletic abilities are still just human. They are not the superheroes we want them to be, no, they don’t belong in the hall of justice. When you boil it down, they are just the same slab as you and me, just able to throw a ball better or run faster.
Yet we put them on these lofty pedestals, then wonder why they fall. Much like Shoeless Joe Jackson did when he was wrapped up in the Black Sox scandal. Some people say it was a newspaper headline, while others claim it was one of the boys who looked up to the player’s abilities. No matter where it comes from, most people have heard “Say it ain’t so Joe”.
We forget that athletes are human too. And when they fall, sometimes they never recover. Some can bounce back, but some can never reconcile with where they are now versus where they used to be.
Our Wife Or Girlfriend
This is a classic one. Especially when men are dating a new girlfriend. They are always putting the lady on a pedestal to worship her. They will tell people that he doesn’t know how he got so lucky, how he found this incredibly attractive woman. Yet here he is with this goddess that he is in complete and total love with.
Yet eventually, if he doesn’t let her off the pedestal, the girlfriend or wife will shut down. Because that lofty view that husband or boyfriend has is so unrealistic. It keeps connection from happening because how can you relate to someone who thinks so highly of you?
Our women want to be loved. They don’t want to be idolized. They don’t want to be on top of the lofty pedestal that you have put them on. They want to walk hand-in-hand with you. They want to enjoy the adventure right next to you, not at a distance that you have imposed because you don’t think you’re worthy of their attention. Be worthy of their attention. Because that way it’s easier to catch them when they do fall off and become human.
Actors or other celebrities
Much like athletes, actors, influencers, and celebrities often wind up on pedestals, too. And that has become more relevant in the past five years. Because we have seen celebrities and influencers push their own agenda on us. We have had people who were loved worldwide suddenly become despised by half the population. Simply because they have their own views.
Now we can argue till the cows come home about whether or not their views are correct, but the problem that has come about is that celebrities have fallen from their pedestal in some people’s eyes. They may not have known what their political affiliation was, but somewhere along the way, many celebrities made their voices heard, and again it was rejected by half of the population.
Religious leaders
We have had our first share of Jim and Tammy Faye Baker. We have seen many religious leaders whom we turned to for guidance suddenly find that they have been embezzling money, having affairs, or living the opposite of what they preach. Yet again, these people, we forget our humanity, we expect them to be as sinless as Jesus Christ himself, and then we are standing around being shocked and dismayed, because a trusted reverend made a very human mistake.
People will often ostracize religious leaders for being human. I have seen this happen several times in the church. I grew up, yet somebody did something that deacons didn’t approve of, and now he went. A youth minister wasn’t like the previous youth minister, and out he went. It’s almost fascinating how quickly someone will turn on another person because that one person fell off the pedestal. This is another example of why putting people on a pedestal is dangerous not only to the person on the pedestal, but to the person who sets them there.
Our Kids
Now this one is a tough one. Because we often put our kids on pedestals too. Some of y’all may have young kids, so you don’t get the opportunity to experience this, yet. However, it will happen. You may be so proud of your son that you brag about him all the time about how awesome he is at his football game. Then homecoming night of his senior year, you get a knock on the door with the city officer standing next to your son, telling you that he was caught drinking out in Farmer Brown’s cornfield.
Do you respond with love and a sense of understanding, or the moment the door shuts, do you blow up on him and yell and holler and curse and tell him how embarrassed you are?
Why are you embarrassed? You’re not the one who got collard drinking in farmer Brown’s cornfield. Your son was caught, yet you’re embarrassed? This shows that it’s not about the actions. Your son made they think about how people you look at, will look at you.
Your son screwed up. There’s no denying that, but at a time when you could understand what he was thinking, you have completely blown all lines of communication because he fell off the lofty pedestal you had set him on. Don’t set your kids on a pedestal, except the fact that they’re going to screw up and that they should screw up. How else are they going to learn the end and out of society unless they mess up? Be there for your teenager and be the mentor, but be there and understand with some compassion when he makes the wrong step.
You see, pedestals keep us from truly connecting with those around us. We turn away from our sons and daughters because they fell off a pedestal. They had no reason to be on. Even our religious leaders are going to falter; they are human beings. They are bound to sin. Yet here we are kicking them out of the very hospital they need to be in. We put too much stock in celebrities and athletes, and the proof of that is when they do falter, how quickly our attitudes toward them change. Your spouse just wants to be loved and have a true, intimate connection with you. Your mom and dad do love you in their own way. It may not be the way you want it to be, but that’s not in your control. You may find out that your dad has regrets that he didn’t tell you that he’s proud of you, more than your mom may regret. That she was gone all the time and didn’t have you spend more time with an uncle or with your dad.
Everybody has their own set of thoughts. Those thoughts may be perceived by some to be wrong, and others may be perceived as being correct. They are neither neutral. Until you put a thought to that circumstance. So, because somebody disappointed you and let you down, seek to understand why that disappointment hurt so much.
