The Hard Lonely Truth of Going At It Alone

There are times in your life when it feels like you have no support. There are times when people will let you down. Sadly, so many of us want to just give up and stop trying. We want to just go at it alone. Not having to worry about what other people say is the most freedom in today’s society.

Yet there are problems with going through life alone. To take on the world as the lone wolf honestly doesn’t work out. Yeah, you don’t have to answer to anybody. You also don’t have the collaboration that comes with the band of Brothers that helps you along.

So much is misunderstood about going out alone. Many people even think that the rugged American individual is the ideal way to go. And the problem with that line of thought is that going out alone is misunderstood. It is perceived to be easier to go through life without having to worry about the judgments of other people. Yet those other people are severely needed in men’s lives.

Society has rugged individualist wrong

Society loves to talk about the rugged individual. They often use terms like Lonewolf or the Marlboro man as examples of American individualism.

But that is a huge misrepresentation of what American individualism is. It’s not about going through life alone. It is not about, not having to answer to anybody else. The individual that they’re touting is the guy who is a self-starter. Who doesn’t need anybody to tell him what needs to be done next he knows and so he gets that done. 

The American individual is the guy who dreams something and then doesn’t ask permission to get it done but starts planning on getting it done. The rugged individual is important to the American idea. But to dismiss everybody else around you is a huge mistake.

Many people sadly turn to the lone wolf ideology because they have been hurt, or burned by somebody or multiple people. So because they have a hurt feeling they decide it’s better if they don’t interact with other people. If they did interact with other people they would get their feelings hurt again.

Examples of this are red pill guys, and men going their way (MGTOW). These are guys who have an eternal victim mindset. Everybody’s out to get them so they need to take their toys and stop interacting with society. This is a wrong mindset to have because you’re entering into interactions as a victim.

Why are you going through life alone?

As talked about earlier, you want to pay attention to why you’re going at it alone. Because you think all women are the same? Do you think that nobody is trustworthy? Do you think society would be better if you just did what you needed to do and not ask for permission?

The last one is actually OK. You don’t need society’s permission to fulfill your dreams. You don’t need to ask for permission to get up and get started so you achieve your goal.

But 

You have been let down too many times?

To go through life alone because you don’t want to get hurt is an excuse. It is an excuse for you to not try. You are making your life harder because you have the thought that everybody lets you down. And if you really examine that you’ll see that no not everybody let you down just the ones you didn’t want to let you down let you down.

When you take a deep look at why you want to go alone it isn’t because everybody lets you down. It is because you’re afraid to open up and let other people have an opportunity to support you.

You also need to look at what that letdown actually is. What did they do? What did you make their actions mean? Because they may not have been able to help you the way you wanted to but maybe they were helping you differently, and you threw the fit and decided, never mind I’m going to go out my own way. 

This issue you may be running into is that the root of your suffering is your own thoughts. It’s not that you have crappy friends who you cannot trust, but you misinterpret people’s actions. You have to ask questions and come to understand the motive. You can ask those openly and Honestly, and you will get the answers that you’re wanting now it may not be the answer you want to hear, but it will be the answer.

Examine why you believe everybody’s letting you down. And question why you think everybody’s letting you down. Many times they aren’t letting us down. We are letting ourselves down.

Women only want one thing

Now, when it comes to relationships with the Ferr sex, sadly many men love to tell themselves the story that women only want men for their money.

Is this true? Do women make more than you or less than you? Tough question to ask, but it is a fair question. Women want three things out of a relationship, trust security, and support. Often we will fail one of these from time to time may not be supportive, but we still have the trust and security. Or we do something that makes them not feel safe, but they’re still trying to trust us and they know we support them. But when we start losing all three at the same time that’s when the relationship starts to fail. They don’t trust us and we aren’t helping them state feel safe and secure we’re blowing off any support they could possibly be asking for then the woman’s going to leave. So I would ask myself if women are just hanging around a little bit and then leaving whether you make more money or not is it really that they just want your money or is it that they want you to step up and be a better man?

True there are those instances of hell no fury as a woman’s scorned. When a woman puts her time and energy into a relationship and she doesn’t get the value and return that she was expecting yeah she’s gonna be a little scorned. She’s gonna figure out a way to get that value out of you one way or another, but is that her fault, or is it because failed the relationship?

My wife doesn’t support me

This is a story many of us have been telling ourselves. Hell, I tell myself this many times. Me and my wife discussed this business and this website and it was very easy for me to want to draw a rundown. I’m not being supported storyline. Is that true? No, she supports me. She just wanted to see the results of my time spent. Does she understand all the nuances of the business? No, and she doesn’t have to either. But because one person doesn’t see the same goals as you doesn’t mean they don’t support you.

Another issue that causes women to not show the support that they have is that you’re not explaining your vision clearly. And though it helps to adequately share and explain your vision. It doesn’t mean she has to buy your vision either. Your vision and your purpose is yours. If your wife wants to, be a part of that vision crate if she doesn’t that’s great too. You have the choice as to whether you wanna make that mean she doesn’t support you or she is just letting you run your life.

What all of these are really saying

So what are all these examples saying? Some people wanted to believe that it is that we don’t get any support that it’s tough and that we have to have that external validation to keep going. These are all thoughts and are even lies that we tell ourselves so that we can fail and have an excuse. My wife didn’t support me so I didn’t get to run the business of my dreams. You can still run the business even if your wife announces the job you’re doing. You still love your wife completely and you run the business until she figures out sees the results of your hard work. Does it mean that y’all have contentious discussions all the time? Probably not because you have to make her statements mean something you can make them mean something good. You can make them mean something bad. That choice is yours. So are you looking to make these excuses mean, a reason why you can fail or an obstacle to overcome?

When do you go it alone

There are a lot of times in life yeah you should go alone. Your life journey isn’t one of them. You need to have lots of friends your band of brothers. They are the ones who support you when you are ready to give up throw in the towel and call it quits. Your wife is there to be your partner through life through thick and thin better or worse rich or poor. She is supposed to be your ride-or-die.

However, this does not mean that you get everybody on board. If you’re starting up a business and you have a vision of what that this business is gonna look like you’re going to be the one who has the passion to get stuff done. Your good friend Bob, who comes by and helps out from time to time doesn’t have your vision. So he’s not going to have the Dr. to get stuff done as to what you are going to have. So you have to be able to push on even though Bob doesn’t show up. You have to be able to keep going and self-motivate, your wife is saying you need to get other things done besides for the business. This is because many times we get ourselves wrapped up in the details of what we’re trying to do and forget our other responsibilities.

You are working on yourself

I rarely liked to rely on other people. But this is one of those times that I am going to say you should be working on yourself. You should be taking care of who you are. You cannot expect your wife to do that for you. You should not expect your band of Brothers to do this for you. The only person who is going to be able to do that, is you so yes you have to go building yourself up get yourself better working on who you are by yourself.

When you are answering your calling

This is another part of who you are. Answering your calling. What is your passion? Only you can find your passion. Only you can fulfill your passion. Nobody supports your passion? Well, that’s because that’s not their passion. Be OK with that you don’t have to turn your back on your friends and your wife just because they don’t, see the overarching vision that you have for your calling. When you do not see eye with your wife with what you’re calling is you have to work on the selling of that vision. That is tough. That is hard. That is scary. There’s a lot of stress and anxiety in there true. However, you can do it. When your passion is high enough you pay, and you feel strongly about it enough, you will be able to sell the tar out of that vision to your wife. They will see they will understand they will feel how passionate you are.

So don’t cop out of doing the hard uncomfortable things in life. Running around acting like a petulant little child because nobody’s doing what you want done is helping you. It keeps some of the stress down. But you’re losing so much more of your life because you’re trying to go without friends. You’re trying to go without a wife. You’re trying to go without the fulfillment that kids bring to you. All of those bring bigger rewards yeah with a little discomfort. You can be uncomfortable. You can do hard things. And that having working relationships with other men and working relationships with a woman and kids is doable. It is possible and the rewards are tremendous.