Did you know there is more than one intimacy? Yeah, there are, depending on who you talk to, around 5 to 10 different types of intimacy and I am surprised about this revelation. Because according to Choose Therapy, there are the following
- Physical
- Emotional <-You are here
- Intellectual
- Spiritual
- Experiential
- Social
- Creative
- Conflict
- Aesthetic
- Work
Now some of these I can see while others I call Bull. I will let you look and decide which ones I agree with and which ones I don’t. Then let me know what you think through a boost or through the comments section below. and the Emotional is a gimme
What is Emotional Intimacy?
In a nutshell, it is how you and your spouse are able to emote around each other. Choose Therapy says,
is the ability to express your feelings, whether positive or negative and for this vulnerable expression to be received with validation and understanding.
There are a few parts of this definition that I struggle with agreeing to. The biggest one is that you have your emotions validated. You can’t validate someone’s emotions. Only they can validate their emotions. You can’t make your spouse feel validated. Neither one of you are a parking ticket. Now I do get the “understand” the other person’s emotions, but you can’t feel their emotions for them. So you can’t validate what they feel.
The way I take having emotional intimacy is when you are comfortable enough to experience your wife’s emotions and not go running for the hills. Your wife loves to express her emotions but she honestly won’t care about your emotions. This is where your band of brothers comes into play. Your wife feels safe enough to come to you and share her thoughts and feelings with you without fear of being judged or ridiculed for what she feels. You allow her to have her emotions and you support her to the best of your ability.
Many times the emotional intimacy comes from the fact that you have had those late-night talks and discussions around life and your dreams. She understands what you want to accomplish while at the same time, she is sharing her dreams too. She is open enough to have those hard talks and knows that you will get upset but accepts that our emotions do not affect her so she can keep talking without fear of you sliding into emotional childhood.
You do share your emotions with your wife when needed but you do not flood her with all of your emotions. When you do this you will overwhelm your wife
https://drmessina.com/the-importance-of-emotional-intimacy/
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/emotional-intimacy/
Why is it so challenging to achieve?
We are often stuck in our own heads trying to make weird circumstances mean something to us personally
Dont take the circumstance personally
This is the key
How do you tell if you have Emotional Intimacy?
- You feel like you can be yourself around your partner without feeling judged or misunderstood.
- You feel safe and secure sharing your deepest thoughts and feelings with your partner.
- You have a strong desire to please and support your partner and feel a strong connection to their wellbeing.
- You frequently find yourself daydreaming about being with your partner or sharing special moments with them.
- You feel safe sharing your private issues and concerns with the other person.
- You don’t feel alone, you feel supported—like someone has your back.
- You know your lover or friend will listen to you without judgment (at least most of the time)
- If something is bothering you about the way your partner or friend is treating you, you are usually able to talk about it.
- You always have someone to share both your ups and downs with—and you know they really want to listen.
- You care deeply about them and know they feel the same about you.
- You can easily shift from light to deeper conversation.
- You are able to feel empathy for your partner or friend.
- You are genuinely interested in the other person and welcome them sharing their feelings and experiences with you
- You are able to be present without being distracted by other people, your phone, etc.
- When your partner or friend is suffering, your heart opens up and you feel deep compassion for them.
Don’t forget you can help me out by going to
https://www.relaxedmale.com/helpme
and answering 1 simple question. Thanks in advance
