Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, Keep Disappointment in Perspective

When was the last time you were disappointed? Maybe you were expecting something special you could do with your wife after doing the dishes, sweeping the floors, vacuuming the cat, and mowing the lawn, and it didn’t happen. Maybe you just finished putting in multiple 80-hour weeks for a project at work and you just got a pizza from the boss. How do you handle disappointment?

We have to deal with disappointment on an almost daily basis. We are disappointed by our friends, families, coworkers, and complete strangers. Maybe you are just completely tired of being disappointed in many parts of your life. 

How do you stop being so disappointed in so many things in your life? Is it even possible to not be disappointed by those people around you who are letting you down? Let’s see if we can get this figured out. 

What is Disappointment?

There are many different definitions as to what disappointment is 

noun:
sadness or displeasure caused by the nonfulfillment of one’s hopes or expectations.
“to her disappointment, there was no chance to talk privately with Luke”

 Google

• As you can see disappointment is an emotion at its root. This emotion comes from expectations. you have a thought about what you expect to happen. If you do something, for example,
• if you clean the house,
• wash the cat,
• walk the dog,
• clean the dishes
• dust the ceiling fans
• make the beds
• dust all the horizontal surfaces
• entertain the kids
• mow the lawn
• mow the neighbor’s lawn
• adjust the satellite dish and more. 

You expect that your wife’s clothes will magically fall off and she will find you to be the sex god that you are and she will be ready for you to ravage her all night long or for the next 15 minutes 

However, you see the problem with expectations is as Ann Lamont says

Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.

Ann Lamont

You see we expect something to happen and then we get bent out of shape because our expectations are not met. We struggle with expectations because we want to control a situation. However, we are dealing with other humans, and humans don’t always go according to plan. They have their own thoughts. their own emotions, and their own actions. 

So when something doesn’t happen the way we would like it to, we have thoughts of sadness, frustration, and fear that we won’t get what we want.

Why is disappointment so emotionally rough?

 The big reason that we struggle with disappointment is as stated above fear that we won’t get what we want. When our plans don’t work out our minds want to figure out why. So when our wife’s clothes don’t fall off we come up with all sorts of reasons as to why. 

We Ruminate

The big problem is not the disappointment itself. it is the fact that we think of the scenario and the circumstances over and over again. we approach the circumstances from all the possible angles we can think of. and in doing so we kick up the sadness, displeasure, frustrations, and resentment with each new thought. 

So yeah we will become resentful and bitter if we hold on to that disappointment. It’s no wonder that nice guys often become angry and resentful because they’re always disappointed. nice guys will do stuff to manipulate others, and when the target doesn’t follow the plan the nice guy struggles with what to do.

Adding Extra Meaning

When we are disappointed we make the results mean more than what it is. You asked your wife for sex and she said, “No”, so that means she has another guy on the side or she is frigid. Then again it may just mean that she is actually tired and she doesn’t want to be a low energy lover for you.

Perhaps your boss didn’t give you the promotion you expected so he is an ungrateful jerk. Then again he could be holding off to give you a different position. we don’t always know the full truth 

Protection

We also like to use disappointment as an excuse so that we don’t have to associate with new people. The, “No I’m not going to be a part of that group they’re just going to let me down”, type of excuses. We use the fear of disappointment as an excuse to not try something new. because we’ve been here before and we’re going to be hurt again so why even try?

Protecting yourself from others is just going to cause them to let you down even more. How? Because they aren’t even going to have a chance to have a reason to care about you. People don’t disappoint on purpose. Though they do and will disappoint, That is true. It’s not the norm.

How Do You Stop Being Disappointed?

To stop being disappointed you first have to fully realize that your thoughts create your emotions. So to feel disappointed, means that you had a thought that generated that disappointment. 

So why are you disappointed? That’s the big question you want to ask. there are otherwise that you might want to ask yourself such as 

• Why were you expecting that result? 
• Why was that result so important? 

Then ask other questions, such as “What were you expecting?” Coming to understand the root of your disappointment and why that disappointment feels the way it does are all important parts that you want to examine.

Doing so allows you to actually adjust your expectations. Yes, you can adjust what you’re expecting. Some people may call this raising or lowering standards, but standards and expectations are one and the same. It’s good to have standards as long as you let people know what that standard is. You can have expectations, but let those other folks know what those expectations are. If you don’t, all you have is a covert contract and you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. 

Let It Go

Finally, the best way to stop being disappointed is to be like Elsa and just let it go. if you didn’t convey the reason why your expectation was as important as it was then you have no actual reason to be upset. 

Change the thought that you’re having. if you think your wife doesn’t care about you you’re going to show up as if she doesn’t care about you and that’s going to make you even less sexier not more sexier. If you think your boss is a jerk you’re going to show up as though your boss is a jerk and you’re sure as heck not going to get a promotion.

 Remember, your thoughts create your results. So if you want to have a better experience, fix the problem first. That means your thoughts need to be adjusted. your expectations need to be adjusted. What’s making other people’s actions mean needs to be adjusted.

 Another way you can fix your expectations is by talking to your Band of Brothers. take time and talk to your community. pose the problem you’re facing to them and see how they act. Are they like, really? That’s what you’re mad about? Maybe they do get mad also maybe they confirm that your expectation was just. your closest friends will always help you become a better man so use them for those tough questions.