Embracing Boundaries & Mastering the Art of Saying No

How many times has this happened to you? You are neck-deep in a project that has to get done by the end of the week and suddenly Your boss or some other higher-up wants to dump more work on you. What do you do? Most guys who are nice guys will just accept it and try to figure out how to get it done. The pressure to perform keeps growing and growing. More and more is poured on your head that you soon start feeling as if you are drowning. You start dropping the ball in other parts of your life. things keep building and building You keep falling farther and farther behind in other parts of your life. The level of grind and frustration mounts even more with each new addition. All because you can’t say no.

The Power to say no is one of the greatest powers we have. Yet from a young age, we are taught how to not use it. 2-year-olds use the word no with almost expert efficiency yet when you are an adult you struggle daily with trying to tell someone no. You may eke out a “maybe” or a “not right now”, but No? Shoot, that’s not about to happen at all. Why is that? Why can we say no and how do you start being able to tell people no when they want to add stuff to your plate that you don’t want?

Why is Saying No Important

Saying no is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself and for those around you. As mentioned earlier many times, we start, by letting those we made commitments to, down because we overloaded ourselves.

Saying no is important because it allows you to set boundaries, prioritize your needs, and maintain a healthy balance in your life. It helps you avoid overcommitting, reduces stress, and fosters better communication and understanding in relationships. Saying no respectfully is essential for personal well-being and maintaining healthy relationships with others.

Self-respect

What are the biggest reasons to say no is because you respect yourself. We have to be able to respect ourselves and our time. if not the frustration and overwhelm that we often feel start to build up. When we don’t respect ourselves, this is where we start getting burned out.

The fact that so many of us do not respect ourselves is a sign of our shortcomings. We don’t even see there. We talk about how we wish we had more time yet. We don’t respect ourselves enough to actually allow for that time. It is easier to dream about what we could do than to actually do the scary thing and tell folks no. Then we wonder why we become depressed. We wonder why we are so overwhelmed with life’s events. We wonder why we don’t have time to build that connection with our wives because we don’t respect ourselves enough to say no.

Boundaries

You often hear people talk about boundaries often on self-help sites. Yes, boundaries are important. And one of the key factors of setting up a boundary is when someone crosses that boundary you say no you tell them no, you don’t have to give an explanation either.

Try that sometime. Someone wants you to do something that is a violation of your boundaries. Say no, and then notice how you feel after. You start to feel as if you have some control

Self Worth

How much do you value your “self”? Your value is different than your Respect though they can go hand in hand. Many times our level of self-respect will be in direct concordance of how much we value ourselves. Yet when you value yourself you also set up boundaries that keep, those who are out to lower your value, at bay.

One of the ways you value yourself is by making yourself exclusive. A high-value car isn’t given to just anybody. You often see videos of people who don’t value the car they drive and crash it because they are showing disrespect to that car. If someone wants to use that car they have to show people that they are worthy to use something of such value. You are the same way. Start being more exclusive in the time you share with those around you. Now this doesn’t mean you become a recluse. You start spending your time with high-value people who value you and what you contribute. Not someone who will just use you till you can’t contribute anymore.

Those types of people use to be called users back in the 80’s Now they are often associated with breadcrumbing and Love bombs. Yet these can be tactics used in business and friendships too. When you understand your self-worth you won’t fall for these value destroyers.

But people will get mad at me

One of the biggest thoughts we have when we start using the word no is, But I will make people mad…

No, you won’t. Now the person you told no may get upset and even show signs of anger. You didn’t make them angry. Their thoughts about you saying no is what caused their anger. Maybe they waited till the last minute to ask you to help finish a project and now they are sliding in a pool of victim mindset, or they may have hoped they could wrangle an easy low-value person into doing something for them and you showed them wrong. However, their emotional state doesn’t actually concern you. It is all about them. Not a thing at all about you.

I do wonder though what do you make their emotional outburst mean to you? Many times people want to think that they have lost a friend or that they may get fired, and yeah that may be true you could actually lose your job if you tell a boss no. However, it is important to understand what you make that mean. If they are firing you it is quite possibly because they don’t want the discomfort of being reminded that they waited till the last minute to do the project. Their anger and emotional outburst have everything to do with them and their thoughts and nothing to do with the circumstance of you saying no.

So hold your head high and know that someone like your boss actually handed you their emotional control box and was hoping you could make them feel better when in reality you cant.

How do I start saying no?

Saying no and setting boundaries is not all that difficult, it just takes you stopping and realizing where you are compromising your health and energy. If you aren’t used to looking for those at first you will struggle to find where you are allowing others to walk over you. Yet as you start using your power you will get your confidence and resolve so that you have no problem saying no and leaving it at that.

So how do you say no? It is easier to say than to apply but you just say the word no and then pay attention to your thoughts. Your first few times your brain will scream in fear that you have just ruined everyone’s day and that you are going to be thrown out of the village. You may even be used as a sacrifice by being chucked into the nearest volcano to appease the global warming gods. Yet that won’t happen. You will witness other people who are lost in their own thoughts and the ensuing emotions. They will even try to pass the blame of their emotions on to you yet you knowing that they are responsible for their own emotions will be able to stand back and see them as humans trying to human as best as they can.

It takes practice and many times at first you will cave to their attempts to manipulate you into changing your mind. When that happens just see it as what it is and resolve to do better next time. With each time you will see yourself hold back longer till they know that you will not let that boundary be crossed and won’t assume you are going to be an easy rollover and take-it type of person.

What if they don’t take NO for an answer?

Most people who are not used to being told no, many won’t accept the no. and if those people are not used to you telling them no. They will keep pressing you. All you have to say is, NO. And leave it at that. You don’t have to make any other stipulations or excuses. If they ask why you can give as little or as much info as you like. you are in control.

So hold firm and stick to your why you are saying no. The other person’s anger is all on them and it is no reflection on you. You got this and you can get it done. just by saying no, No thank you, Nope, Not gonna happen, No can do, or anything of the like. If you want help on getting that backbone good and strong you can always take the next step and get coached. If you are ready to be coached then go ahead and take the next step.