There are many ways you can build your community. There is the church, schools, civic organizations, your place of employment, and your neighborhood. You can find men who you would like to aspire to be like just about anywhere. And right off the bat let’s point that out. These men will rub off on you. The phrase, “ Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” fits. If you want to be successful in business you want successful men. If you want to get in shape, have men who take pride in their health. Good marriages? Same thing.
Find men who are noble masculine men. These men are going to be there to stand by your side. They will help you and you will help them. Each man has their own journey but that doesn’t mean they don’t need other men in their life.
These men will start to become your 3 a.m. people. There will be bonds developed and strengthened as each meeting happens.
Why a men’s group?
Simply put men need other men in their life. The term toxic masculinity is there because men don’t have other men as close friends. They don’t learn how to use their masculine energy for production and so it gets misused. Many men who are married don’t have male friends that they see on a regular basis. and to get masculine interaction they have put that burden on their wives.
Yes, that is a burden. You are expecting your wife to build you up when she is needing you to build her up. Yeah, that phrase may sound offensive to some feminists because they want to think that women are their own island. Yet that is untrue. We pour our energy into those who need it. We get our energy from our band of brothers. The men we spend close intentional time with. A close friend who can listen to what your struggle is and help put the needed plan into place. They will work through the needed thought work. These men will help you to succeed.
Even when failures happen. They will help you change your mindset and how you are working through the problem. They will poke holes in your plan. They will push you to become better and cheer you when you are uncomfortable. These men are the most important people in your life.
So why a group of men and not a group of men and women? Well, you can have a mixed group there is nothing wrong with that. Yet there is something special about an all-men’s group when you get the resonance of masculinity working so much can be done.
If you want to have a better financial life, better sex life, better marriage, and a better family life. Find or start a men’s group and get it to where you are meeting monthly if not weekly.
Finally, it is because we need to have a strong community pillar in our lives. we need a strong tight-knit group of men we can turn to with our troubles. We need a healthy outlet for frustration. You need a group of men who are the most dedicated friends you have ever had. We need the connection of other masculine men in our lives and the right men’s groups provide all of that.
Can you start a men’s group?
Absolutely! I encourage men to join any group they can find. If they can’t find a group then start on. There are groups everywhere and in every town. If they don’t fit your moral premise then why not go and pull the men you want together?
How?
Well, that is going to take you to get out of your comfort zone. You will have to go and talk to the men you are interested in. You cant rely on others to do that work for you. You have to hustle and talk to the men. Do the ask. Ask and ask again. They may not be able to make it the first 10 times but eventually, you will get them to say yes and they can try it out.
Decide a day and ask your group to meet. It may be at a basketball court or at someone’s house. Then again it may be the back part of a coffee shop. The venue doesn’t matter. I have a few groups that are online. We don’t get to see each other but we talk each week. Sometimes it is only 2 men other times it is 4-6 the range differs because each of these noblemen is busy on their path and making their world better.
Then stick to that schedule, this is going to be tough because life will try to stop you from having this group. There will be forgotten dates and sometimes you may show up and it is only you. Yet you stay consistent. Those men who are finding value from it will keep showing up. It takes time but if you are consistent and dedicated you will get it working.
What to look for in a men’s group?
If you are looking for a men’s group to join you want one that meets regularly. For the same reason as if you were to make your own group. The group needs to be consistent. Everyone meets at the same regular intervals
Then the caliber of men in the group? This is also important. You want a group grouping of men who are dedicated to becoming the best at what they do. They are dedicated to achieving success and they are willing to get uncomfortable.
If you have a bunch of guys who just meet to get drunk and play cards and there is not much more than that in the group then you have to decide if you want to stay. If they sit around and complain but don’t take any action and have nothing but excuses to provide as to why they failed then you may want to look for another group. You don’t want whiners. You want men whose mantra is, “Let’s Find Out”.
You also need to have a group of men that you can trust. This is one of the biggest factors you need to have in a men’s group. What is said in a men’s group stays in the men’s group. It doesn’t get leaked out. You don’t steal ideas. You don’t use what is said as a weapon against the other men. To do that you have to have trust as the biggest and most sacred keystone to the group.
This is because men are going to open up to each other and share their worries and pains and they need the trust that these men are looking out for their best interest. If that trust isn’t there then growth and friendship don’t happen.
Word of Warning on Men’s Groups
Now there are some points you want to look at. when you are running a group or a group you have joined. these are key points that you want to watch out for.
Pay attention to the men
Are they dedicated to each other or are they out for themselves? This type of group doesn’t foster trust and will actually rot the group from the inside out.
Also, is someone’s attitude and demeanor changing? If so talk to them privately and see what’s going on. See what they are struggling with and encourage them to share it in the group. If it appears that there is some danger or the man in question is going down a dark path get the other men in the group to surround the guy and encourage him to get back up to his original baseline. That may include him getting some counseling or therapy.
Your girl will try to get in your way
Whether you are married or not. If you have a woman in your life, there is a good chance she will try to find reasons to get you to stop going to the men’s group. either by teasing and demeaning the group as a whole (calling it names like, little boys club) or making comments about how you are spending more time with the men in your life than you are of her.
This is partly a test and partly because she sees you becoming a better man and she may think that you are not going to find value in her anymore and leave. The key here is to not give up the men’s group. You cant help her by being a weak man. You have to work on yourself and she has to do the thought work to get her in a better spot.
When she sees you getting better this is going to reflect on her as to how little she is doing for herself. This is an uncomfortable feeling and she wants to have you on a lower level so she doesn’t have to face her own shortcomings. All you can do is encourage and lead her so that she will be a stronger woman and find the value she has in herself.
I have had men who would have family crises happen when they go out on men’s trips. The girl would text and call at all times of the day. There would be drama and accusations flying as the guy is only trying to improve himself. When it is time to focus on you, that is who you focus on. So stick with the men’s group. When your wife starts to get antsy you know you are doing good. You are becoming stronger and it is time to love your girl and help her to be better by leading her.
Protect your group
There are also men who will show up and not be a good fit for the group. You, being the organizer, will be the leader of the group. So there are those who may come in to see how they can use the group to their own advantage, and you will have to lead them out. These groups are not for just one person’s advantage they are for each member’s advantage. No one gets out of this unchanged. Each man you have contact with will adapt to your way of thinking and you will adapt to theirs. Your old limiting beliefs will be burned away and the very base and truest belief you have will emerge.
Is the group equal?
Make sure you are in a group of equals and not a group where one person is pontificating. This is actually a group coaching session. Now there is nothing wrong with group coaching. You learn a lot. The reason I point this out is that you often hear some people use the term mastermind and a mastermind is a meeting of equal peers. Each man talks and shares his thoughts. If the “leader” of the group is the only one talking and the others are listening then it’s not a mastermind.
There are men’s groups found everywhere. You have to look for them or make one yourself. If you are interested in joining a men’s group I have a paid exclusive men’s group that meets weekly. it is a true mastermind group of men who each help each other become a better form of themselves. If you are interested you can go to the Brotherhood of Men page and read more.
Special Note:
Operation Tears of the 22 is having a ruck march to raise awareness of the 22 soldiers a day we lose to suicide. If you like to help and join us for the ruck march in Chaffee Crossing In Ft. Smith, AR. We would love to have you there helping to save the lives of our veterans.
This event has passed but there is more coming from these men
