Event:
Operation Tears Of the 22 Off the Hardball
This event is to help veterans to reset mentally Sign up
Question of the week by Brotherhood of Men
Why is the divorce rate so high, especially in Western countries, if love marriages work?
Well, there are theories as to why. The number one resin though is the No-fault divorce. This was started in 1969 by one of the greatest presidents the US had. Now Reagan later said he regretted signing the bull when he was governor of California. He did this as a means to cut down the fabrication of wrongdoings being slung at each other in trying to get a divorce.
Since then the divorce rate has skyrocketed. For a long time, men were the primary people who started divorces but as time has gone on, now women initiate around 80% of all divorces today.
Why? Well, that’s where the theories come into play. Most of the time it is because one person or another is having an affair but money issues also play a part. Yet with the affairs, the problem is that many men have stopped being men and now women are busy having to take up the slack. Men have been told they are to spill their emotional guts to their wives and that does nothing but add stress to their wife’s life. The overly emotional man causes the woman in the guy’s life to lose respect for him. All because he listened to society and stopped doing guy things out of fear that he was going to be seen as a toxic masculine guy.
Men have stopped doing several things that attracted women to men. These things are what turned her on to him. All because he was doing manly things and then after saying I do he started sharing way too much and ditching his friends for his wife.
What did these men stop doing?
There are several things men have stopped doing that cause their women to not respect them. These things are part of the 4 pillars of a relaxed male.
Man’s mind
Men stop learning they get a job and start working and they think that is it. Job accomplished! Nope, they are providing for their family which is important, but he stops learning and expanding his mind to get smarter. Most men stop reading after high school and read only if it is required. They don’t learn for the sake of learning.
Man’s Body
They get a dad bod. Now a few extra pounds isn’t a deal-breaker but 50 pounds? That isn’t sexy to a woman. Now men don’t have to be chiseled, but be in shape so that, they can protect their families if needed. You hear women claim that they like a soft chubby man. Yet those claims don’t ring true when you hear who they think is sexy. Bro-Thor wasn’t nearly as hunky as fit Thor. You could hear that from the women’s reaction when they saw Avengers End Game.
Men need to be in shape so that they are healthy enough to take care of their wives when they get old. A fat man will not live as long as a healthy man.
Mans Soul
Men have stopped perspiring their passions after they get married. Women love to see men who are driven to accomplish something. Now, this doesn’t mean that men are to become workaholics. This means that they have work and a hobby or a side business or an activity that feeds their soul. Most men when they are dating have something like this. Then they drop it when they get married and start turning their full attention to their wives. The wives have other things to do too other than sit around and give their husbands all their attention.
Mans Community
this is the pillar that falls almost completely apart after marriage. First off any friends before marriage disappears. The wife and kids get 90% of the man’s attention. He can’t go camping because of his wife and the kids. He does go sit and talk with his band of brothers because of his wife and kids. It is not that the wife and kids demand it all the time. It’s just we guys believe that is what we are supposed to do.
So we lose our friends and we don’t replace them with new ones. Before we know it 20 years have passed and we have 1–4 friends. Maybe only one of them is dependable enough that we could call them at 3 am with a problem. We don’t normally get together with other masculine men we know so we can talk about our problems.
So what do we do? We tell our wives our problems. That’s because we have been told we are supposed to share our emotions with our wives. That is only partially the solution we are supposed to talk about with our wives but we share the positives with them and share the negatives with our band of brothers. We take the negative from our lives we help them and we ask our close friends to help with the emotional weight it may have. Telling a wife all the financial problems you have doesn’t help her have confidence in you. It doesn’t help her to see you as the provider. You are extra emotional baggage that she has to deal with when you come in and start dumping all over her how crappy your boss is.
Women won’t respect you for that and a woman can’t love a man she can’t respect.
The other thing that will help a marriage last is knowing how to fill your partner’s emotional tank. That is know how to talk and be present with them when they are talking. Learn to speak their love language. That will go a long way in keeping wondering eyes from going anywhere other than to you.
Main Topic
Men stop being who they are supposed to be
Victim mindset
- No responsibility
- Men act surprised
They let their wife’s emotional tank run empty
A marriage needs to have lots of communication for a person’s emotional tank to stay full. Now the problem is many times we are using the wrong language. In marriage, there are 5 different love languages that can be spoken in the same house. We are often speaking our love language and it’s getting lost in translation.
- Gifts
- Quality time
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
They stop talking
Many times we stop talking we don’t sit and listen. We aren’t present while our wives are speaking. We are thinking of everything else that is going on and not what is happening right there at the moment. We miss so many nuances of what is being shared. In doing so we lose the opportunity to connect.
They stop being spontaneous
With life, you have to stop and smell the roses. Or as Robert Herrick said in his poem, “To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time”,
“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,”
— Robert Herrick
We let time slip past us with kids and houses and just life in general. You may have financial problems but you can still exercise your creativity and be spontaneous.
They just drift
Drifting isn’t only an example of not paying attention to what you are doing, but also is about you not having a goal set to pursue. You not having a reason why you jump out of bed excited to take on the day is a huge example of drifting.
Their pillars have collapsed
- Man’s mind
- You stop learning
- You aren’t reading
- You would rather not listen to audiobooks or podcasts but music only
- When you stop learning you start dying
- Man’s body
- They are out of shape
- They are not the physique of when they met
- They can’t protect their family when they are out of shape.
- Man’s soul
- What feeds your soul? That is the question if you don’t have a passion. Find something to create. Maybe it’s a blog or you take up painting, woodworking, or even blacksmithing. You need to be creating something. From charitable work to a business. Have a purpose in your life.
- Man’s Community
- This is the huge one for us men these days. We don’t spend enough time with other masculine men. We don’t sit with other men eating and talking about our lives. A mastermind of like-minded men Is there for you to find balance in your life. They are there to take the negative so you don’t have to burden your woman with those negative events, and you can shower her with the positives.
