What Do You Do When The Relationship Falls Apart?

We all have big dreams of what a relationship will be like. Maybe we caught the eye of a woman we never thought possible. Maybe you have a woman who appears to be the most loving creature known to man. We wake up in the morning refreshed, glad to be alive, and glad that we are in the relationship that we are.

Then one day at 3 o’clock in the morning, she wakes you up with the dreaded words, “We need to talk”.

Your head spinning, your heart thumping you really can’t hear what the woman of your dreams is saying, but it sounds like she’s saying it’s over You ask her why repeatedly. Also gives you in return that it’s just not right we need time apart. It’s not you. It’s me. Or any assortment of reasons.

The reasons all boil down to this beautiful wonderful relationship is crashing down around your head. What do you do? How are you supposed to carry on? Is it something I did? Does she have another guy?

Accept That There Is No Answer

The hardest question that you’re gonna have to face up to is that none of those questions matter. Yes, our brain wants answers to all of those questions yet you’re not gonna have a satisfactory answer. You can beg plead argue, stomp your feet drop to your knees. None of those actions are going to insight an answer from the woman of your life.

Yes, you’re going to hurt in your heart. Your mind is going to swim and you’re going to ruminate on all the questions that you have. you will finish asking yourself a string of questions. Just turn around and start thinking of the first question again. For this, you have to start using your power of observation and notice when you’re on these thought-loop errors. Notice when you are thinking, indulgent thoughts. Notice when you turn to a coping mechanism to feel better about yourself, instead of bettering yourself.

You’re gonna ask yourself why so many times that it’s gonna start sounding weird. However, at the end of the day, you’re never going to fully know why. You have to accept if you wanna have a chance to get your woman back or to move on and find a different spouse. Either one of those results will require you to accept that you’re never gonna have all the answers.

How do you pick yourself up?

The number one question all of us men ask is how do you recover from this devastating blow? The answer is one day at a time. Focusing in on yourself and getting yourself better is always the answer. diving into some substance and buffering from your emotions will never work. Yes, it may give you a very temporary reprieve from the emotions, but they will come back stronger.

So you have to become emotionally strong to recover. But you’re not going to be any emotional deadbeat either.

Allow the emotions to be felt

You’re gonna have emotions. Your emotions are created by your thoughts. And with your mind racing, you’re going to have thoughts that light off emotions from anger to sadness to regret, shame, to fear, and jealousy. You’re gonna have more emotions than you know what to do with, and if you take what modern society fix you’re supposed to do you’re gonna try to shove them down stuff away. Try not to feel those emotions.

Modern society doesn’t know what’s good for them. Let alone what’s good for men. Now you shouldn’t be boo-hoo and crying at the drop of the hat at your office. But allow your emotions to be. You process your emotions where you need to, at the house, in your car, in the parking lot, wherever you can. But do not resist your emotions. That’s where the addictions come from. You don’t allow yourself to feel the grief of a relationship dying. Allow it to be felt. There is nothing wrong with you crying in your apartment. There’s nothing wrong with feeling afraid of what the next step will be. It’s not even wrong to feel ashamed that your relationship fell apart.

The problem happens when you act upon those emotions. When you feel angry, and you start smashing stuff, not a good move. When do you think you’ve got a big talk to your ex at 2 o’clock in the morning you start beating on the door, not a good move. You have to start letting yourself experience the scary emotions. These emotions won’t kill you. In fact, they won’t even hurt. Yes, they will feel uncomfortable but the best way to look at them and the process is to imagine yourself holding that emotion in your hand and describe it. Is it hard? Is it soft? Is it solid? Is it gooey? Examine your emotions from all angles. Where do you feel it in your body? does it feel like a heavyweight? Is it a tight set of bands wrapped around you? Does it feel hot? Does it feel cold? Finally, say what the emotion is that you’re feeling. I’m feeling angry. I’m feeling regret. I’m feeling shame. I’m feeling powerless if you’re not sure what it is you feel, then look to the How We Feel App. This is a great tool that can help you describe your emotions better.

Take responsibility for your part of the scenario

What? She broke up with me! How is any of that my fault? I no man. It is hard to not fall into the victim mindset. You want to wallow in the indulgent emotions like ignorance and self-pity. Yet you did have a hand in making this scenario you are in.

You have to own your dirt. If you want to get out of the hole you were in, you have to understand that you took the step that led to falling into the hole. It’s not self-hate to take responsibility. It is you learning from the mistakes you made.

The four biggest areas, most men struggle with is that they have become very lax and more than one of the pillars of The Relaxed Male. Often we become obsessed with work. and so learning goes to the wayside. We stop eating right stop exercising. We’re more focused in on the bills so why do we need to follow our dreams? We need the money. And you’ve got the kids and your wife, so why do you need friends? You now understand why you need all four of those pillars. Because with those four pillars, you become stronger more resilient, and willing to step into that discomfort that you’re facing now.

Start working on the 4 Pillars of a Relaxed Male.

The four pillars of a relaxed male is crucial for all men. More importantly for married men, we let these four pillars slide. It’s easier to not worry about reading a book and coming up with excuses as to why we don’t need to follow our passion. We have all the reasons in the world and the lack of time to go Exercise. And our friends will be there we can pick up right where we left off last time.

Man’s Mind

The problem with all of those thoughts is that the wrong moment you stop learning is the moment you start dying. You stop growing as you stop learning. wants to know that you are still continuing to be the smart, ingenious man that you always have been. Reading books, listening to podcasts lectures and conferences are always that you can expand your mind and learn more about what you believe.

Man’s Body

You’ve noticed you’ve gotten yourself a bit pudgy around the middle. You run up a fly the stairs and you’re huffing. You can’t even go a quarter against your son on the basketball court. These are signs that you have a weak body pillar.

The reason why you want to have a better body is for your wife. The reason is to fold.

The number one reason is your job is to protect your family. You can’t protect them. If you can’t run fast enough to keep a guy away from your wife. You can’t protect your family if you get winded the first 10 seconds into a scuffle. Your wife needs to know you will protect her and the kids. So you have to be in shape.

The second reason is for sex appeal. You may hear people say oh I want a man who is soft around the edges. And I will call bull every single time. look at the superheroes in today’s movies Captain America, Iron Man, Hawkeye Spider-Man all in shape. Bro Thor was the comedic relief.

Look at how Haley Atwell reacted when she saw Chris Evans’s physique for the first time in Captain America. Women prefer their men to be in shape. Because when they are in shape, they look sexier and it gives them a good idea that you will protect them at the same time.

Man’s Soul

What gets you out of bed in the morning? What drives you to do what you do? Men are looked to when they have a sense of purpose. They become more successful when they have a purpose. They are more fulfilled because they have a purpose. You offer excitement and intrigue to your wife when you have a sense of purpose. Yes there might be a little consternation mixed into that but that’s part of the adventure.

One of the big problems most men have is they don’t know what they’re calling. They can’t answer why gets them out of bed other than they have to pay the bills and if that’s your case that’s fine. Your purpose is to find your purpose. So all you have to do is start exploring and get curious about what you like. Follow those little rabbit trails. If you don’t like something or become a burden, you know that’s not fully your calling you like that and apply it to the next one and you will find your calling.

Another way to find your purpose is to talk to your parents if you can. Ask them what were you like as a little kid. What really interested you? What did you obsessively talk about? then ask today’s friends what your superpower is and see what they say. The interesting thing about that is more than likely it’ll be something you find most dull and boring about your life. You’re great at organizing. You could put a lawnmower together in no time flat. You understand databases on a completely different level. What do people come to you for advice on? These are all clues as to things that are your calling.

Man’s Community

The man’s community pillar is quite possibly the most important pillar. A man needs in his life. Without the Dr. that you get from the group men you meet with on a regular basis you won’t pursue your purpose. You won’t expand your mind. You won’t keep yourself in shape. The reason why? Because you are the average of the five people you spend the most intentional time with.

How many people do you have in your community? How many of that band of Brothers do you see at least once a week? If that number is less than three, you’ve got work to do. You need to have 5 to 6 men that you meet and talk with on a weekly basis. These are guys who you also once or twice a year go on trips with. Without the kids without the wife is just you and the guys.

Why are men so important in your life? Because they take the negative burden that is hanging on your shoulders and convert it into a positive. Masculine energy for you to bring back to your family.. That’s it and the magic is that you don’t even have to sit there and be talking about your emotions for the guys to help you. y’all could be doing a project together like setting up camp and that provides the needed help and masculine transfer that all men need in their lives. Men who are low on masculine energy are the ones who become easily irritated and frazzled, turning to alcohol, drugs, and porn food as a coping mechanism. Burnout is greater when you don’t have men in your life you talk to on a regular basis. So start finding those men.

Control your thoughts

When it comes to your breakup, you want to control your thoughts. Because you’re likely to live in a land of unintentional actions. Those unintentional actions will cause you more harm more grief more heartache than the actual breakup would’ve ever thought of. W

hen you are living your life unintentionally, you’re not paying attention to the thoughts that you’re having. You’re just reacting to what is happening. You’re not giving yourself time to think the actions through and to respond appropriately. Men who are reacting and are living in their emotions. are the ones who go off and throw temper tantrums. They punch holes in the wall. They are destructive. They become grown boys because they start damaging and to be destructive and consuming resources then providing and producing stronger bonds.

So sit back when you find yourself wanting to do some type of aggression take a deep breath and ask yourself these questions.

Ask yourself these questions

Ask yourself powerful questions is a great way to understand and to allow the prefrontal cortex of your mind to be activated. If you’re aggravated and pissed off, you might want to take a few deep breaths before you do anything. Enough wherewithal to be thinking you’re going to be on a better route than someone who is just running around like a blinded bull in a China closet.

Is this (action) going to serve me and my goal?

So what do you think the answer should be? that answer is completely dependent upon you. Do you think punching a hole in the wall shows your ex? How pissed off you are is going to build a connection? Is that your goal? Maybe you do want to strike fear enter life. My question would be why? Because that’s not going to get you anywhere. Aggression never is the answer to the women you love. And when you do act in an aggressive manner, all you’re doing is taking the last bit of connection the last pit bits of respect and you’re ripping it up into smaller pieces and throwing it away. that what you truly want?

How would you like to show up in this scenario?

You don’t have a choice as to whether or not the scenario is happening or not. So you have to decide how are you going to show up. This is because you only have control of your thoughts and your actions. So how do you choose to show up? You make that decision now before you enter into a conversation with your ex and you will find she is a lot more receptive than if you stomp in there like a petulant little child.

Breakups and divorces are never fun. It is the death of a relationship that one party or even both parties highly treasured. The breakup might be because of something you’ve done or might be because of something that the wife decided she wanted done. You have the choice to show up as a man or you choose to show up as a grown boy. How you show up makes a difference. If you want to see if you can get your wife back then you have to do the hard work of showing her you’ve changed. It’s not an easy change and it is a change that takes a while to show the results. But if you understand that and accept it, you can take the steps of showing her you are the man she needs in her life. So the next step for you is to take action and start becoming a better man.